


Unholy transformation and what to expect

by Strange_doll_from_Hell



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (2014), What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Animal Death, Daddy Issues, Dark Comedy, Death, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jenna and Laszlo have more in common than you might think, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mommy Issues, Murder, Nerdiness, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Redemption, Religion, Sexism, Violence, Werewolves, some french, the past was not better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_doll_from_Hell/pseuds/Strange_doll_from_Hell
Summary: How each of our vampires became a creature of the night. Just an idea of how it happened and their lives before.Very dark, but at least you know it ends well.





	1. Nandor the Relentless or the art of war

**Author's Note:**

> It sounds much darker than it is (I don't really intend to be explicit). I'm sorry but the idea came to me after I realized that despite the comedy tone, the characters have a past that seems very tragic. It's hard not to write something dark with a premise like that. Well, I hope you would like it anyway.

Nandor will not lose. He has no idea what they're fighting, but he refuses to give up. He has been fighting for what he wants since he was born to survive, whether with his body or his mind.  
And life is starting to be good for him. He killed the sultan who held him hostage and allowed one of his sons to ascend the throne (the recalcitrant brothers unfortunately died and the rest of them had the choice between a comfortable exile or a career as a eunuch), a was in charge of his own army, was able to expand his kingdom and win a new ally (friendship is so uncommon in that world). He has 37 wives (35 he really loves but well one was a powerful political ally and the other his 14th wife's best friend, so it's not that bad). He brought back immense treasures, invented new tortures and killings that made both the West and the East tremble before his 25... Fuck, if some albino with rabies is going to stop them and ruin everything!  
While Nandor is on the battlefield, one of his idiots has the brilliant idea of jumping on Nandor and biting him.  
-Shit!  
It really hurts and the teeth are digging dangerously close to his carotid. That bastard must have cut his teeth. He had put his claws behind her back and the asshole had the nerve to suck his blood. Well, Nandor was going to show him that this little game can be played by two. Nandor bit his opponent and swallowed his blood too. This greatly disturbed his opponent, who released his grip.  
-What did you do? asked his horrified enemy.  
Nandor in any answer, stuck his spear in the chest of his opponent.  
The man at that moment rather than politely collapsed, spitting blood or defiling himself, screamed and fell to the ground in ashes. That weird.  
\- What the he…  
But Nandor's head was already turning and he too fell to the ground.

-...I suppose it will be necessary to announce to his wives his unfortunate death.  
-Yes, it's unfortunate that his only ones old enough to be cared for are all girls.  
-I assume that we could at worst take care of the....  
Nandor's right arm man does not have time to finish before he puts his sword in his belly (ironically with his left arm).  
-What do I look like dead to you, infidel dog?!  
Nandor's left arm man realizing their mistake, futilely tries to calm him down:  
-My lord, that's wonderful, you're alive! We were just saying that for help, you know. If we'd known you were still alive, we'd....  
-Guard, make him burn alive! And by the way, even my daughters who still shit in their diapers, have more know-how than the two of you!!!!!!  
After the traitor is burn to a crisp, Nandor gets up a little shaky from the bed. Allah, it was embarrassing! And sadly, he still feels smeared in the days that follow: the light hurts his eyes, he is cranky and anything that is not fresh and bloody meat makes him want to vomit.

But it's okay, he'll come home, and everything will be fine. He'll see a doctor, he will be able to rest at the loan of his wives, execute some prisoners and he has a new slave for each of his children (he spoils them a little, he knows it but he so rarely at home, so they deserve it well).  
Everything will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the fact that Nandor is an eccentric genius who succeeds because he has strange ideas. I also find it very funny that he basically became a vampire by accident, but maybe it only amuses me. It also explains why we don't know his maker and why he who seemed to be happy as a human became a vampire.


	2. Nadja or the flowers of evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So be warned, it is with Nadja that several subjects who could cause discomfort appear (she and Laszlo are not lucky on this). I had to make several changes quickly because one of the shorts in What we do in the shadow learned a lot of details about Nadja.I tried to share well the tragic and the funny but it's a new territory for me.  
I also hope not to be disrespectful towards Roma culture (which is quite different anyway depending on the region). I did the best I could.  
Also for information: Nadja use the Romanian words to refer to her father and mother (Tata and Mama).  
The only real Roma word used is Nadja's father's pet name for her mother (cerxai which means star).  
A Drekavac and Marka are monsters of Slavic mythology (google them, they are pretty cool).  
Hope you will like that chapter.Sorry if it's much longer than Nandor's (I wanted to extend his but I thought it was perfect this way).

Nadja was in the woods, it's was getting late enough for people to go home but not yet enough for the monsters to come out. And people are still debating which category she belonged to. Something's wrong with her, she's heard it all her life.  
-Go away, go away, Christian charity is for the good people, not the dirty Pagans like you!  
-Be careful, she's a gypsy. They are more deceitful than the devil, at least he holds his share of the market. They're just thieves and their wives are benevolent whores!  
-Your daughter has one of the most beautiful face I've ever seen, but her eyes show that she has a dirty mind. You should leave her with me instead of marrying her to a kid with no experience.  
-She's a witch! I'm the one who tells you, suspicious you, she'll steal your seed if it's not your whole member and perverted your wife!  
-Nadja, help yourself, damn it! How do you want to have a chance to remarry with your reputation? Who will want you despite your beauty?  
Sorry, mama, it's too late for me. Well, she shouldn't complain about it. After her husband's death, her parents had let her come home and she was sure she had seen relief on her father's face. It's not like Kenji gave him the choice when he came to ask for his hand, you don't say no to the clan leader. Nadja didn't blame him. Her mother was more than happy with what her daughter had earned once she became a widow (a gold coin and two goats!), even though she would have liked her daughter to be pregnant with him to try to claim the title (well, Kenji already had six boys, hence one of them twice her age) and her daughter to find a new husband for herself. After all, 3 had passed and she was already 16 years old.  
Nadja has...accommodated her reputation. We left her alone and that's all she wants. Help his family, charm the villagers by dancing, singing throat songs and playing with snakes. And occasionally help a friend who's more miserable than she is.

Nadja finds what she was looking for: the right plants for Slava. So that she no longer comes crying in Nadja's arms covered in blue and blood flowing from her legs. Well, the last part: Nadja won't push her away if she wants to come back into her arms occasionally. It had worked wonders for her dear husband. When a poison can act at any time between 3 and 7 days, it is difficult to prove anything. And Slava has a much better reputation than she does.  
Nadja picks up what she needs and leaves quickly, not the time dragged into a corner where everything can be an enemy whether it is an animal, a man or another. But something caught her eye: a snake. But not just any snake: this one is silvered with ruby red eyes. It looks like a moving necklace. This is what will sets her apart from the other snake charmers.  
-Here, here my pretty one. Come see Nadja, I have oil that will make you grow a second head.  
The snake don't even try to run away and gets caught. Nadja starts singing. He... oh, she seems to like it.  
Looking back, Nadja feels a little naive, she should have been more careful. But she had always been more suspicious of people than of animals.  
The snake jumped down her throat and bit her. She barely had time to understand before she touched the ground.  
Nadja stayed on the ground, playing dead hoping not to become dead. The snake released it and passed over his face, spilling something liquid in her mouth as it passed before disappearing into the woods.  
Nadja still remains on the ground for a good minute before revealing herself by saying:  
-What the bloody hell was that?!

-Nadja, what happened to you? asked one of her brothers. -You have one of his faces…  
-Still better that you’re Lukas, she replied. – I don't break my nose every year, me!  
Many of the younger ones laughed. Lukas, reacts in the only way that a man who respects himself can react:  
-Mama! Nadja is a bitch with me!  
-Nadja is a bitch with everyone, what's new?  
-But I was nice to her…  
-I don't want to know who started it! Lukas, go see if your father and brothers are coming. Nadja, go help Siloe set the table.  
-We have a table now? Ask Nadja.  
-The peasants burned an old spinster and all her stuff was abandoned, said her sister.  
-What had she done?  
-Advised a doctor to wash his hands before helping a woman to give birth, continued Siloe.  
-Ah. Well, if she acts always so recklessly, it's surprising she had time to become a spinster.  
-And the worst part is that they blamed the woman's death, her baby and the husband's ingrown nail on her.  
But before Siloe could continue, Nadja heard her father's voice:  
-It's us! Come to see what we bring back everyone!  
In addition to the bushmeat his father and brothers had poached, a big stinking bag was lying in the tent.  
-Is that...began to ask Nadja mother.  
-5 kilos of cow purring, her husband proudly says. -I suppose our donkey has a few beautiful days ahead of him thanks to this.  
-But how?  
-There have been some murders recently, nothing too serious. So, people tend not to check to see if they hear any noise outside. Someone even left silverware out there too scare to take it back, can you believe it? Probably wolves or Drekavac, don't worry about it, cerxai.  
Nadja's mother stared at her husband before saying:  
-Children’s, go would the light for the fire and carry the rest of the purring. I need to talk with your father.  
Ceija, one of the last little ones whispered to Nadja were heading towards the campfire.  
-What are Mama and Tata gonna do another baby to celebrate all the manure we have?  
-No, I think Tata's going to sleep with the donkey tonight.

Nadja would have liked to be in as good a mood as the others, but a weight in her stomach prevents her. Even when she got up during the night to vomit more food than she was sure she had eaten in her life, it was still there. And it was getting worse every day: the light hurt her, she was hungry all the time, but the food made her nauseous and the nightmares! Last night, she had dreamed that she was becoming a tide of rats walking around the gypsy camp, wishing to infiltrate the tents for...she didn't even want to think about it.  
She had thought about a cause but made no sense: the snake? No poison keeps you sick that long. It kills you or makes you sick for a day, nothing more. Pregnant? Pretty sure that Slava couldn't not make her a baby. Fuck, she hopes it's not a curse.  
These parents had noticed her condition and they were clearly as worried as she was. Having your children die before you are a reality that everyone knew, but the older they get, the more you allow yourself to become attached. A baby has only one stranger you have to take care of in the hope that it will be useful. Your 15-year-old is the one for whom you're going to beg a cruel god who never listens to you for not be taken away from you.  
Her mother had come to her and asked her if she needed some herbs or if her brother Bronson could give her a good punch in the stomach. Nadja have to insists that it was not that especially with her mother screaming that no one was angry with her. Nice try mama.  
I mean, whatever's wrong with her, it wasn't a reason to forget her responsibilities! She was just going to come out a little later, that's all.  
-Nadja!  
She turned around to see her father watching her.  
-You don't have to go out tonight, you're not in any condition and a funeral is much more expensive than a day's work.  
-Everything will be fine, trust me Tata.  
She goes running before he can try to stop her.

Business is not going well. Nadja does her best but she feels like she is burning fast and then being thrown naked into the snow. Add hunger, thirst, fatigue and try to sing for these people for some pieces.  
-It's your fault, your pagan degenerate worshipper of Satan! shouts a man in a ceremonial dress. He has with him a huge big dog with him who doesn't say anything good to Nadja.  
Well, it's her clue to warn her that it's time to go.  
-Hey, I'm talking to you, the whore opens to everyone!  
Normally, Nadja would have just started walking faster and thinking about the best shortcut to take to prevent him from catching up with her. But illness and fatigue seem to have short-circuited her brain. And she answers:  
-Strange, there are men in the red-light district who say the same thing about you.  
She thinks he's as shocked as she is by her words. And he drops his dog on her.  
The dog rushed towards her but Nadja was shocked at how slow he seemed to her. So slow, she manages to grab him by the throat like he's a chicken. Not very strong either, no matter how hard he struggles, Nadja maintained her grip and doesn't even put an effort into it. She shoots her fingers down his throat and his head. He starts whining pathetically before a crack is heard. And Nadja is rewarded with a hot liquid that smells so good. Without being able to control herself, she starts drinking through the dog's wounds. It's not the best thing she's ever eaten or drank in her life, but it gives her the same soothing feeling that every time she's been able to eat after having to tighten her belt for a long time. Even if the food is dry or moldy, there is almost a soothing effect to no longer feel its empty stomach.  
When Nadja finally gives up her improvised meal, the peasants stared at her, looking at her in shock before panic struck them.  
-It's monster! She's responsible for all his murders!  
-A demon! And I bet you the others do too!  
-Do something, damn it! Captured her, killed her, exorcised her!  
Several men are approaching and even if Nadja has no fucking idea what's going on, she's not going to let it happen without a fight!  
But unfortunately for Nadja, the first man to approach her has a heavy crucifix hanging around her neck and she feels her strength abandoning her. All she can do is try make herself small and try to back off.  
The man grabbed her by the hair and violently hit her head against the ground. 

When Nadja wakes up, she lies on a dirty straw mattress in a cell. She puts her hand against her head, but feels no sores, just a little dried blood in her hair. Adding that to the list of things that don't make sense this week. She then hears footsteps and a heartbeat approaching.  
After what happens seems like a million years and too little time, a man opens the cell.  
-Come!  
Nadja sticks to the wall wishing she could pass through it.  
The man lost patience and violently drag her to another room where three other individuals were waiting for them. The room is full of instruments that have only been designed to make the pain known.  
-So what do you think we're dealing with? asks one of them.  
-I think she's a witch.  
\- Don't be ridiculous, she's clearly a Marka. Just look at the way it behaves lasciviously.  
Oh, because her trying not to start screaming terror is erotic? thinks Nadja. Good to know.  
-Excuse me for not finding that all the disgusting gypsies we've picked up are the same charm, said again the first one.  
Nadja thinks that if the man didn't hold her so firmly, she would have fallen. No, her family... What did I bloody do?  
-They may not all be the same thing. If that's the case, we'll have to identify each of them, said another clearly annoyed by the idea.  
-Or have the convicts all preventively sentenced because of her. That's what we did with the Jews last time, suggests the man who brought her in.  
-Well, I suggest we start. Let's undress her, see if she's a witch, a Marka or something else, said the last one.  
He looks at her like Kenji on the night of the wedding night. No, BLOODY NO!  
Nadja tries to get away and clearly her executioner is having trouble holding her back.  
-Stay here, you little bitc…Ouch!  
He let Nadja fall to the ground where she stayed. A little blood flowed from her arm, where Nadja had accidentally scratched him.  
-You little whore! He said, raising his hand to hit her, but he froze.  
Nadja looks at him with desire. The only problem? Her beautiful brown eyes were now red and yellow.

The torture room was now surprisingly quiet and Nadja decided that it was time to think about the situation.  
The man who had held him against his will, was now lying empty of blood, thrown among the bench and other rubbish like him.  
Another had ended up hanging after a hook from the ceiling dripping into the basin where Nadja had settled. Also with Nadja in the basin was the third man who was lying in it. In his defense, his throat had been torn out and his blood had helped to fill the basin.  
And the last one, the one who reminds her of Kenji, was lying very close to her, still alive but unable to make a movement with his broken neck. In case she's was still hungry.  
So Nadja was now sitting in her small basin filled with blood, thinking about her next move. She had tried to get out, but the light of the sun had hurting her. It was not the only thing that hurt : taken by the action of the moment, she had not noticed but the cross she had ripped from a man's neck had also burned her. It had already started to heal, but still. She was probably going to have to wait until night came. She was only hoping that the others were fine (okay, specifically her family, she could live with the rest).  
When suddenly...  
Let me in…  
-Who the fuck is talking?!  
Sighs... A friend…  
-A friend? Of course, disembodied voice what about NO!  
I speak through the ether. Don't you want to know what's happening to you?  
Nadja grumbled, but curiosity prevailed.  
\- Feel free to come without coercion and free in this humble torture room, friend! Nadja said sarcastically.  
Immediately a woman appeared: a beautiful blonde with a pale complexion and sky-blue eyes dressed in a noble red dress.  
-Good evening, my name is Pauline. And what's yours, my dear?  
-Nadja.  
-Oh, that's pretty. Can we settle down to talk? she continued with a voice that gave Nadja a impression that she addressed to a baby really slow.  
Nadja took the corpse out of the basin and beckoned her to come.  
-Seriously?  
-I'm fine here," Nadja replied.  
Pauline sighed but took off her dress to settle in the basin. She also seized the man still alive to drink it.  
-Hey! That mine!  
-The least politeness is to offer me a refreshment, Pauline scolded her.  
-I don't know you, said coldly Nadja.  
-We've met before. Only I had scales at the time.  
-You... you're the snake that bit me! And had your woman problems in my mouth! And all his murders so people were talking...started to realize with horror Nadja.  
-Well, I didn't do the last one by myself. My lover and his brother helped," smiled the woman. -Lucky you, I decided to test you to see if you were worthy of us and you proved your worth. You're still a little hard on the edges but that's not bad…  
The punch Pauline received threw her out of the basin and landed against the wall.  
-Ho -how zo you do it?! Pauline shouted as she tries to replace her jaw.  
-How I bloody dare? How dare YOU turn me into.... into  
-Vampyr.  
-A Vampyr! Bitch, I thought I was dying or worse, pregnant! And because of you and your friends, my family is going to be imprisoned, tortured and killed in that order if they are lucky.  
Nadja threw her rags and put on Pauline's dress on her way out.  
-Where do you think you're going, your ungrateful little brat?  
-Use your''gift'' wisely, the night has fallen, and I have relatives to save!  
-Oh, because you think they're going to welcome with open arms? I'd tell you to look in the mirror, but we don't have reflections. All they'll see is a monster. And you don't know anything about your strengths or weaknesses.  
-I know that the sun and sacred symbols hurt me, that I have to be invited to a new place, that I am stronger than 4 men, faster, that I heal quickly, that I could probably change into an animal, that I have to drink human blood and that you're a selfish asshole. If there's more, I'm sure I can find it all by myself like a big girl.  
-We'll be south of the forest, if you don't get killed.  
Nadja decides that it doesn't even deserve a vulgar gesture and goes out.

She was wrong, Nadja knew it. Her parents wouldn't chase her away! They knew she had killed her husband, helped others do the same and they didn't care! They still loved her. Nadja even thought they were a little proud. Their 13-year-old daughter had been able to get herself out of a shitty situation on her own with little no consequences. Would seeing her like that give them a shock? Sure, but it'll be fine! She will sleep during the day and will discreetly feed on people who would want to harm them. It doesn't matter if she remains a widow, if she must be a watchdog for the whole family. She can be happy like that!  
Nadja stands by the cells and thinks about the next state. Okay first, find a guard. Thanks to her pretty face and what highlighted well underneath by Pauline's dress, it's easy to find. This guy was also surprisingly delicious.  
Secondly, how to enter or at least give them the keys. Think Nadja, think. Nadja had tried to come through the door but being dragged unconscious against her will is not an invitation. Climbed up the window? No rope and it was too smooth to hang on to the bricks. Maybe she could use her new strength to dig holes in the wall to create a support for climbing? In the end, Nadja realized that it was not even necessary: as soon as she put her hand down, she realized that she could hang on the wall like a lizard. And a fucking miracle for the unholy creature!  
Nadja looked at the window and saw them all. Sleeping and alive.  
-Nadja?  
She then saw Ceija looking at her with surprise.  
-Hello baby cat.  
-Are you dead?  
-Of course not.  
She was pretty sure her heart had stopped beating but hey detail!  
-I have something for you," Nadja said as she threw the keys. -Wake everyone up, I'll wait for you outside.  
Her little sister bought it and Nadja went down satisfied.

Nadja is looking forward to everyone arriving. When they are finally all here, she rushes to meet them. Ceija seems to be the first to want to come and meet her, but suddenly her mother grabbed her and brought her back violently against her.  
-Mama, it's just me.  
Why their hearts are beating so fast?  
Lukas holds a weapon tightly held a guard in his hand and when she tries to get close to him, he steps back.  
-Back off!  
-Lu-Lukas? What's the matter with you all?  
Nadja's father is the only one who doesn't back down. He even opens his arms. Finally, someone who understands! That's all it takes for Nadja to throw herself into his arms.  
-I'm so glad you're all sav…AAAAAHHHHH  
Nadja screams when she feels a horrible burn on her back. She threw her father on the ground and so did the object that was her back. A silver knifes.  
-Leave my daughter's body in peace, you’re fucking demon!  
He looks so sad and angry at the same time.  
Nadja feels like she's falling apart. And in a way, that's true. Nadja turns into a hundred rats and flees.

-I don't think she's coming, Vladislav said to his partner.  
-If she doesn't kill herself stupidly, she'll will be there. She has no other option, said Pauline with conviction.  
-I still think it's a terrible idea.  
-Trust me, I know what I'm doing!  
At that moment, an army of rats appeared in the forest. They stacked one on top of the other to form a female figure.  
-What did I say. Go look for Vulvus, Pauline proudly said as Vladislav rolled his eyes.  
Nadja had now regained her human form and Pauline approached and said:  
-I'm not going to say I warned you, but...  
Nadja doesn't warn her neither. She attacks Pauline and they starts to fight. Eventually, it turns into a make-up session to become a fight again, until they are both too exhausted.  
-Is it good? Did you take it out of your system? Can we go back to being civilized people or fight like dogs is all you know?  
-Said the bitch.  
Pauline seems to be about to start again, but Vladislav is holding her back.  
-It's not that we didn't like the show, but we should go before the farmers arrive with the torchlight and the forks.  
-I am Vladislav the Poker, you have met my charming companion Pauline Ivanovich and this is my brother Vulvus the Abhorrent, he explained, introducing him to a man with whom he shares a great resemblance.  
-The same human parent but different makers, continued explained Vulvus.  
-Fascinating, says Nadja, whose face only showed boredom. -What do we do now?  
-The easiest thing for all of us is that I hypnotize the local nobles for a meal and take their coach. I suggest we head over to the Turkish border. Petyr should be joining us at this time.  
-Petyr? Ask Nadja.  
-His maker,explain Pauline. -Let's take two carriages, Poki. One for you and me and the other for Vulvus and our new friend.  
Oh the bloody bitch, Nadja thought as she realized Pauline's intentions for her.  
-Good idea, says Vulvus. -You can both be comfortable, and I could get to know you better, Nadja.  
He smiled at her, but it quickly disappeared when he saw Nadja's expression. The one that says: one gesture and I'll rip your face off.  
-I mean talking about everything and nothing. Or if you have any questions about vampirism...  
-Maybe some little ones…she said in a softer voice.  
Nadja was born a woman, a gypsy and poor in a world where they are unforgivable crimes. And what she was now made her an outcast again. But all this had made her strong in a world that underestimated her until it was too late. All she needed now was to learn everything that the three other as soon as possible and once at the border... Well, Nadja would find something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize to all Pauline's fans.I'm sorry if I was unfair to a character you love.  
For those who are who the f*ck is Vulvus? He was the character played by Jemaine Clement in the shorts in their first version of What we do in the shadow. He is basically a more dorky version of Vladislav and as he says he has many vampires in his family, I like headcanon that he is his annoying little brother.


	3. Laszlo Cravensworth or The Lady of the Shroud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays, my life has been chaotic in recent weeks: everything would take its own history for that. 
> 
> So I also need to make a special message before this chapter: This chapter deals a lot about mental illness and suicide and for that I want to clarify several things.  
1)Mental illness = violence is a horrible stereotype that prevents many people from receiving the help they need. Ironically, I was attacked by a mentally ill person last weekend who threatened to kill me but I have also many relatives and friends who have to live with it. Some are among the people I love most, who are the bravest, kindest and most generous people who have given me the chance to know. Three people around me have made suicide attempts that have fortunately failed. So I understand that these are serious subjects and I'm not just trying to be edgy by talking about it. Yes, Laszlo still kills people, but it's never because of his illness.  
2)The idea came after I showed the show to a friend and she then asked me if Laszlo had been written as having a mental illness. At the time, I thought she was talking about the fact that he was Jack the Ripper, but no. She told me that she thought so because of the last episode where Laszlo talks about having been deeply miserable and feel nothing all his life before meeting Nadja, that he had mood swings and changes his mind quickly, got bored easily, had an almost childish moral sense, a strong pride but who is surprisingly fragile, impulsive, very close to his emotions, reacts strongly to minor conflicts and often assumes the worst of people. Also, the fact that Nadja is show at his emotional rock. So I took notes of her comments and did some small research.  
3)The result was that I actually found that it could correspond to something: Laszlo seems to qualify for Borderline personality disorder (BPD). I checked on the health site of my country and that of the World Health Organization. There are different levels and variations, BPD also seems to have the nasty habit of being confused with other mental illnesses. It is also a mental illness more common among women but not exclusive. There is also a debate on whether it is something that was born with or whether it is a result of abuse (a variation of PTSD). It was my best guess and I wrote my best from the information I found.  
4) If you or a loved one suffered from BPD and did not like what you were reading, I give you my deepest apologies.  
5) There is a flashback with physical and psychological child abuse, nothing is explicit but if it is a trigger for you, you are invited to skip this passage.  
6) Some of the headcanons in the other stories are used as Laszlo's mother being a courtesan or that Laszlo is a diminutive of his really long and horrible fancy real name.

Laszlo knocked hard with his fist against the door, impatient. When finally, the butler opened the door, Laszlo came the house without delay and shouted his sister's name:  
-But don't rush, you fool! Henrietta! Henrietta, I need to talk with you, it's of the utmost importance!  
A woman richly dressed but clearly put on quickly, went down the stairs.  
-Oh my dear, you're home so early... Oh it's you Laszlo.  
-Glad to see you too, I just decided not to go to my reception to let you know that your husband will be here tonight.  
-Don't be like that, little brother. You know what I mean. Try to get dressed in a hurry with that kind of clothing. And I had to wake my friend up so quickly, to hide her, poor Cherie. She who likes to sleep during the day and have some pleasure at night.  
-My type of company. She has a sibling? asks Laszlo in a better mood.  
-I don't know, she doesn't talk much about her loved ones. It's probably for the best. But tell me how did you know about my dear husband?  
-The events where I go are well attended. If you know how to do it, you can learn anything about anyone. In this case, your husband had to cancel his meeting with the Count because he stupidly died of the plague.  
Henrietta sighed heavily before saying:  
-Why does it have to happen every time I find someone for myself?  
-Because if there is a God, he's an asshole.  
-Laszlo! Don't blaspheme in my house! Henrietta scolded him.  
-Why? It's not like it's going to change anything about our situation, said coldly Laszlo.  
Henrietta looks at him with sadness, wanting to add something but not finding the words.  
Finally, she says:  
-You want to say you’re hello to your nephew while you're here?

-Good afternoon, Eli. How are you today, little bantling?  
The toddler made joyful sounds as Laszlo held him in his arms.  
-He's really strong heathly boy, I'm sure he'll still be there on his birthday, said with hope Laszlo.  
-I wish so, giving birth to them is hard on my body and losing them on my heart, his sister replied.  
Laszlo felt anger towards his brother-in-law. Henrietta hated love with men and every birth became harder for her. She had lost her first baby, Alphonse, less than 3 weeks after this little bastard almost tore it in half. The second, Amelia was fine if not her gender. The poor darling had died at the age of two in her sleep...common but Laszlo suspects that the slap that the little girl received during the mass and had propelled her against the bench had helped. Let's hope Eli would have better luck. And at worst, Uncle Laszlo will give him a little help.  
-He should at least have the decency to find himself a mistress like everyone else, just to give you a break. Father is dead and you can't even have a little pleasure.  
-Laszlo! We don't talk about the dead like that!  
-Oh, my God, Hettie! You, me and even the three-headed beast showed our respect by not throwing him into the first common leper grave!  
-He left you in his will, it's proof that he wasn't completely bad.  
-I suppose so, yes.  
If you know the true my dear sister, was thinking Laszlo.  
-But I'm glad to know that you're doing better," Henrietta concluded.  
Laszlo nods with a smile and prefers to keep quiet about his problems. She wants help but she doesn't really understand. Laszlo's not sure anyone can.  
-Freedom is good for my health.  
-You see me very happy about it. Now, Je t’adore petit monstre but I want to enjoy an hour of freedom before I must return a good pious wife.  
-Of course, dear sister. Don't be embarrassed for me, I know the way out.

Laszlo was leaving, he swears... He wanted to see her!  
No question of misbehaving or trying to steal his sister's mistress, he would never dare (as far as his brothers' wives and mistresses were concerned, he did not have the same sensitivity). He was just curious, and he had nothing wrong with being curious, right? Curiosity had allowed him to discover the things he loved most and that made the world bearable.  
Laszlo stopped silently in front of his sister's private room and opened it suddenly: Nothing. Maybe she had taken refuge elsewhere. Too bad, but Laszlo didn't want to upset Henrietta and even acknowledged that it was difficult to search a residence in search of a Sapphic woman with little or no clothing claiming that your intentions were honorable…Well fuck him (probably latter).  
As he left the room, Laszlo noticed something on the floor. A flute? It was actually really pretty, carved from something other than wood, maybe poor-quality ivory? Anyway, whoever finder keeper, right?  
Laszlo put it in his pocket without thinking and didn't notice the red eyes that were looking at him on the ceiling.

Finally, this flute had disappointed him. What idiot could have cut such a horror? The sound was awful! Fortunately, Laszlo had the means to correct the situation in his apartment. Laszlo was quite proud of his situation. A real libertine, he had bought the whole 3rd floor for himself and even if he receives his pension every month, he also earns his own money. Teache music and plays in the living rooms during the evenings was a most enjoyable way to win his life. Without forgetting his gateries; he is not only the most handsome man in the region, he is charismatic, charming, spiritual, full of talent and vigorous as only the youth under twenty is. Is it really surprising that people want to take care of him?  
Speaking of which, Laszlo thinks he deserves a little reward; he spent part of the afternoon fixing that stupid flute, didn't he? He's going to ask the maid to make him bring enough water to make a nice hot bath. He knows you're not supposed to take more than two baths a year, but if he wants to take one every three months, that's his fucking right.  
Once the bath is ready, Laszlo lies down and decides to leave his mind wandering: he thinks of the Duchess Demorin, the son of Count Von Dorma Schmarten, his brother Edwin's new wife and the handsome soldier he saw yesterday. His hand goes down a little lower explores a little, he likes this particular small space of skin between his virility and the back door... Nothing.  
Laszlo has the impression that the bath has become cold. Why can't he feel anything? He tries to rub harder but nothing. Laszlo decides to go straight and push his nails as hard as he can...still nothing. Blood, gave him blood for lack of pain. Laszlo finally fells a liquid thicker than water on his fingers. But his comfort is short-lived; the liquid is a sick orange and smells like a dead rat.  
-No... Laszlo begged before rushing to find a pocket mirror.  
Laszlo positions himself and places the mirror so that he can see this small secret place. And the bastard is here, a bleached and oozing patch of skin thanks to Laszlo's effort.  
-No... No! No! No! NOOO!!!  
He throws the pocket mirror in the direction of his big mirror. Everything that falls into his hands passes through it, throwing it against the walls. He screams, curses everything he knows and cries with rage before he collapsed. And the emptiness comes. The fucking void that makes him feel like a living corpse. No more pain, no more anger, no more sadness, just that absence that sometimes takes him hours to get out.  
When Laszlo succeeded in stopping staring at the wall thanks to the cold he's starting to feel, his gaze meets the broken mirror. His damaged image is less terrible than what he will expect in a few weeks and the magnitude of the situation struck him again:  
They will take everything he owns, burned everything except money and jewellery if it will share between his family and the authorities. He will be exiled to a leper colony and will have to move around with a bell like a fucking cow to prevent his passage. And that's not even the worst part.  
His sex will fall like a rotting fruit, his hands will fill themselves like an old man's and if he is lucky enough not to lose all his fingers, and his face... what's he going to lose first? His nose, leaving him only two holes to breathe? His tongue preventing him from speaking, singing and shouting? Or it will be his eyes whose eyelids will be gnawed at, even devouring his tear duct, not letting him hide to look at them in disgust or cry over his sad fate.  
And you'll look like what you really are inside Llewellyn, said a voice inside him that Laszlo desperately wants to keep make shut up.  
He needs to calm down...  
First of all, he really regrets throwing away his bottles of alcohol during his tantrum, he really could use a drink right now. Or coca (less terrible than labdanum and sugar on your teeth). Or lose time in the arms of the first volunteer (It would be easy to find, but even he has qualms about spreading the disease). Or maybe just that his mother was still alive for singing him lullabies.  
Second, he really hopes he didn't contaminate his sister and her child. The poor girl has enough problems and yet she is trying her best to take care of him. God knows he doesn't make it easy. The three-headed beast aka his brothers (Cassius, Edwin and Richard) can well decompose together until to really formed a three-headed monster, he doesn't care.  
Laszlo let his eyes wanders to his scar. It's in the fat of the thigh, very small, pale and you must know that it's there to see it, it's not very remarkable. A little higher up and... the nonsense you do when you're 14. He didn't even have an infection. He ends up sighs, a little calmer: You know what? 20 years is the spring of life, everything doesn't get any worse after that. He had two great years of freedom just for himself. Might as well leave in style....

Laszlo knows he is impulsive and for that reason he is proud of himself enough to thinking about his next actions. Call it experience.  
It must be discreet, and people don't realize that he left with his own hand. Slicing his throat is therefore out of the question as if he had opened his wrists. Shooting himself in the head or the heart comes with the same problems even more than even knowing that everyone ended up eating worms, he would like to be in good condition that we will find him. The poison is fine (discreet and easily excusable) but he is afraid of not being enough of a chemist to finish himself correctly without pain and to agonize painfully for days or to miss his shot knowing that they will send him to a doctor is something he wants to avoid. Drowning would be difficult since everyone has the reflex to struggle when it happens (and still having the face eaten by fish is not much better than worms for him). The fire is too painful, and the fall has a high risk of failure like poison. What is left then?  
The rope! He could hang himself! He has quite pleasant experiences with erotic asphyxiation, he knows his limits and it will be easy to make it look like an unfortunate accident alone or with a charming company! It's embarrassing but better a silly death of an adventurous libertine than a sinful and sick suicide.  
Laszlo is exhausted, empty again. Sleep, he can take care of that tomorrow. 12 hours won't exchange anything, and he has to do a little cleaning up before he starts his journey to hell. Tomorrow, he thinks as he collapses into his bed.

Laszlo is awakened in the middle of the night with a horrible claw sound against his window.  
-Who the hell is that? exclaims he shocked both by the time and by the fact that he lives on the third floor.  
He gets up and decides whoever it is to give him a piece of his mind. He has a shitty day and tomorrow won't be exactly better!  
As he draws the curtain, his anger melts like snow in the sun. It is a woman at his window and not just any woman; he can objectively say that she the most beautiful specimen of her kind…What the hell, woman or man, she wins the competition! She looks like she's an angel sent to rapture him. La petite mort between her thighs would indeed be a great way to go. He opens the window without delay.  
-Good evening, miss…  
-I'm so cold, can I go in?  
-But of course!  
The poor thing falls into Laszlo's arms. She wasn't lying when she said she was cold. Her skin is freezing! But she doesn't waste time warming up, kissing Laszlo with her mouth full, her nails clinging to his back and her legs wrapped around his hips. And Laszlo is a gentleman, he would never dare let such beauty freeze to death.  
They just have time to fall on the bed together. She nails him to bed, riding him. She knows what she wants, Laszlo likes it in a woman. But that's where her face changes; instead of a beautiful dark angel, there's a demon with a bat mouth above who savagely bites Laszlo in the throat. Laszlo tries to push her away but she's too strong. Finally, she stops, licks his wound and asks:  
-Where's my flute?  
-Your what?  
Okay, Laszlo has had his share of weird erotic dreams, but being raped by a demonic bat who wants a flute is wild even for him.  
-MY FLUTE, the one you stole from me at your sister's house.  
-It crap is yours?  
-IT NOT CRAP!  
-Oh, it is. I know, I spent the afternoon fixing it when I could have had some pleasure instead.  
-Repaired it?  
-Yes, there was a hole missing and the beak had been horribly cut. It's still not extraordinary, but at least it won't sound like you're slitting a duck's throat anymore. How could you not have noticed it?  
-I've never played it before. I don't know how to play flute at all. I want it because it's a gift from someone dear to my heart. He carved it from the leg bone of a man who had insulted me.  
Laszlo rolls his eyes.  
-As much as I see the charm of offering a piece of a man killed in your honor, he will also offer an instrument that you do not play and that even if you had let yourself be tempted to learn it, does not work! Even in this form, you can find better Madam!  
-I don't want to hear opinions about love from a spoiled brat. WHERE'S MY FLUTE?  
-Found it yourself. Or better yet, let's finish what we started but with your most beautiful appeal. Maybe I'll talk then....  
-Or I'll kill you there and just search your home.  
-Yeah, you can do that if you like!  
Laszlo would have liked his voice to sound talkative or mocking. It just sounded tired and sad.  
The beast watches him before returning to his womanly form.  
-You're not afraid to die?  
-Rarely. I'm more afraid of suffering or the...the...the...  
Laszlo's whole body is tightening up, he doesn't want to go there. He just wants to forget that it even exists.  
-Don't you want to talk about it, cub?  
Laszlo shakes his head.  
-No. Just finished! I'll tell you where is your damn flute. And then kill me. You can abuse my body before if you want but keep that form please.  
The woman lies down next to him and gently passes her hand through his hair.  
-No. I still think you look like a spoiled, naughty boy. And I don't like their surrender. Then you're going to have to explain to me why you want to die. I don't care if you think I won't understand, or if your reasons are stupid. Your sister shouts at you like a beau-parleur, so try it on me.  
-I'm sick of Leprosy, a dead man walking! Isn't that enough for you? And thank you for reminding me of this information. Nothing beats knowing that you share a bed with the only person I'll feel bad about make her cocu!  
-So, if I try to take advantage of your body...  
\- I'll feel bad after every time. Not during it but definitely after.  
She laughs. She has a nice laugh.  
-It's not serious between us, even if I enjoy her company. And I don't think it's just the disease and its effects. You know how I know that? Because you made peace with the idea of dying a long time ago. It not because you're afraid to do it yourself that you want my help?  
-Suicides do not have the right to a Christian burial.  
-Oh, you want to go to heaven...  
And this is Laszlo laughing. A dry laugh without humor.  
-That's sweet, but I have no illusions about my fate on the other side.  
-And why is that? What have you done that's so terrible?  
She continued to caress her hair, speaking softly without any trace of mockery. Laszlo wants to be silent, honestly. It's like throwing up, he can't keep them out. And also like when you trow up, as much as you feel disgusting afterwards, it feels also a little good that worse is out.  
-I have missed my religious duties, everything that makes life bearable in my eyes are vices: lust is my favorite. I appreciate sodomy...  
-With ladies and gentlemen?  
-Yes. Gave it as well as receiving it.  
-A man of taste. Still not so bad in my eyes.  
-Thank you, lady bat demon. That's comforting to hear from you.  
-Don't call me that.  
-How am I supposed to refer to you in this case?  
-My name is Nadja.  
-Nadja as like hope in Russian?  
-I am not Russian.  
-But you have hope for me. The worst is yet to come: I want to kill myself, not for the first time I want to, or I try. Oh, and I may have killed my father and have no remorse. Sleep like a baby after that.  
-What did he do to deserve this?  
-What didn't he do?  
-If you had to choose the worst thing he did?  
Worst choice there is: the insults, the humiliations, the beatings, so many options.  
-I hesitate between two.

What happening to his mother or what led to the event.  
The first wife is for name and nobility, the second is for money and the third is for rewarding you for all your sacrifices and having a pretty young thing for your old age. Father's words about what they were supposed to do once they were old enough to get married. He also said Henrietta was lucky enough to be the first two and even the third for the first 5 years. The sweetest thing he said to her.  
Laszlo's mother was the third wife and a courtesan. He knows that and he doesn't care. She was not a fallen woman who soldiers like paysans exchange for some pennies. She was a beautiful, intelligent and talented woman who did what she had to do to survive and climb the social ladder. Not different from a bourgeois if you ask him. Her only real crime was to choose the richest man in the region but not the easiest to manage. He didn't like her insisting on acting like a tramp that is to say take care of her child herself rather than giving to a nanny. And she did a much better job if you ask Laszlo. Then... she started getting tired all the time and spitting blood. She was sick but not contagious. Too sick to take care of or even see his son, Father said. But not denied his conjugal duties. Until she lets herself go too much and he gets bored. And she died alone. Laszlo had not even been allowed to attend the funeral because he had a passionate outburst caused by his brother Edwin saying that his mother was probably die of a shameful illness, Laszlo threw a music box to his face. The worst thing is that he misses the fucker.

The event happened to him seven years later. They dined as a family in their usual false politeness and secret desire to stick a fork in each other's eyes when Cassius had spoken:  
-Then do I really have to drag this whoreson with me?  
-Do I ask your opinion? Yes, Llewellyn is coming with you. Mr. Havregrave could secure your military career and it is never too early to look for a wife for Llewellyn. He has four daughters and that could lead us into the succession! Said Father.  
Laszlo gives his brother his best smile. He can afford it because he still has all his teeth.  
-I suppose you're right. Might as well be grooming him fastest before the little by-blow makes us a scandal, continue Cassius.  
-What do you mean?  
Laszlo being still calm because he thought Cassius was talking about the fact that he had lost his purity with Annabella, Richard's wife. The day after the wedding night. Not very fair-play, he admits it but 1) Richard is an imbecile without talent in the love making, 2) Annabella had offered it and that they were almost the same age, 3) Laszlo was the one who would have the least problem in the group. Cocuited by your brother who was 9 years old your younger was more than humiliating for Richard. It's just a little too bad about poor Annabella.  
\- Oh, don't tell me I'm the one who's teaching you about Llewellyn's illegal activities with the stable boy, says falsely sorry, Cassius.  
Laszlo freezes when he hears these words. The stable boy's name is Neville, he has the same age as Laszlo. His hands are as worn out by manual labor as these lips are soft. Yeah, Laszlo lost (let's say vaguely misplaced) that purity too.  
Father gets up. Laszlo's not even going to try to escape. It only makes him angrier. He's just going to protect his face and wait until it's over.  
It's still not over. These brothers enjoy the show, easily forgetting that they too are sometimes in this situation. Henrietta just turned her head refusing to look.  
Father presses his foot against Laszlo's hand. He looks up hoping it's not what he thinks.  
\- They say that the arts call for vice, perhaps if we break them all, we will cut the problem at its source.  
Laszlo doesn't think he ever had a greater fear of his life. Fortunately, there is a tribal angel to help him. Sweet Hettie.  
\- Father! Forgive me for interrupting, but you seem to have forgotten you promised he'd will play for the duke next month. We will look ridiculous if we do not deliver what we promised and I doubt that even with the best doctors, injuries of this severity will be fixed on such short notice.  
It calms him down, thank God. The weight on his hand disappears and all he hears as he gets up is:  
-Get out of my sight.  
Fear makes him forget the pain and gives him fucking wings until he took refuge in his room.  
Then it's a little fuzzy. Laszlo remembers being unable to calm down. To think that it is not a question of if but of when. He fells like a caged beast and desperately needs air. He remembers picking up his awl which he used to maintain his piano. Laszlo has a cousin who died getting a sword stuck in his thigh. Then, just the void. Later, Henrietta crying.  
He hit the vein, not the artery. It's embarrassing when you think about it. Hettie just threw awl somewhere and told a pretty little fable. The official story if someone asks: he fell on a tree branch while trying to get out through the window. They believed her; people are so stupid.  
Father slapped him and shouted at her that if he died of an infection, he would only have his stupidity blamed. His brothers didn't say anything, but Hettie cannot let it go.  
-You know it's a shortcut to hell, right?  
-You think I'm going to heaven?  
She keeps quiet before she says:  
-I don't know, Laszlo. But it doesn't matter if you don't. I'll wait for you there then. Dykes don't go to heaven.  
Laszlo found herself an ally that day. And abandoning her would be cruel.

Laszlo feels confused, did he fall asleep or what?  
Nadja is now stroking his cheek, which he realizes with horror is wet.  
-Poor little canary, you sing but you hit yourself against your cage to get out even knowing that your wings are cut off. Maybe I can help you...  
Nadja hand is placed on his scar and Laszlo feels crudely exposed. Let's get this over with.  
-The flute should be in the cabinet at the back.  
-Don't worry about it right now, baby.  
Nadja starts undoing the top of her dress. Last wish of a condemned man think with joy Laszlo. He tries to get up but his head turns and he passes near fall from the bed. She laughs and Laszlo wants to hide under the floor.  
-Poor darling, I'm take you a lot and you put everything you have left between your legs. Let me help you...  
Nadja guides Laszlo to her and puts his head against her chest. He closes his eyes; her skin is so soft but Laszlo is confused, he can't hear her heart.  
-Let me give you a drink.  
-I spared a bottle?  
-Yes, but not the glasses. You'll have to drink directly from the source.  
And the naughty girl makes the wine flow directly onto her chest and Laszlo's face. He is more amused than anything else and started drinking with enthusiasm. Not sure what she served him, but it's the perfect drink for his last night. The taste is strong and a little salty but it not bad. In fact, it's really good and Laszlo finds himself trying to drink more.  
-I think you've had enough, greedy baby. Time to go to bed.  
-What? But we haven't even started anything yet?  
It's cruel to leave him in this state.  
She must see that he's pissed off because she said:  
-Don't pout, spoiled child. I'm surprised you're still conscious in you're state. But don't worry, I'll be back soon. In the meantime, take advantage of your last few days to settle your business. You're not going to feel very well, but I can assure you that you're no longer contagious. And when this is all over, I'll be there for you.  
Unfortunately, she is partly right. Laszlo couldn't do anything to stop her from pushing him back into that bed and tucking him in. Laszlo can only sulk in protest.  
-Liar.  
-I do not lie. But...  
She kisses him gently on the lips before continuing.  
\- I need you to be brave. I know you're in pain and you just want it to stop. I know it's hard, but I need you not to do anything stupid in the next few days. Can you try for me, please baby?  
Location of her hand made Laszlo understand that she was not talking about his erection.  
Laszlo can just nod his head.  
-That a good boy. Night night, Laszlo.

The next morning, Laszlo was awakened by what seemed to him to be a cannonball. He is not so lucky and is in fact his brother Cassius.Laszlo is blinded by the light and rushes under the covers with a scream.  
-Wake up, parasite! Have you seen what time it is?  
-What the hell are you doing in my house?  
-Let's say your landlady was more than willing to give me the keys after I report for poaching.  
-You put a hare on his table and threaten custody? Cassius, it's so Christian...  
Laszlo can barely finish the word when he feels an acidic rise in his throat. He rushed, a sheet like a toga around him to find a container in which to vomit.  
-Disgusting. Like all this... remains. And fall asleep in bed with makeup like a slut. But if it's in your nature after all.  
-I don't wear makeup. I don't need it, unlike some people, spit Laszlo out between two trow up.  
The delay of a few seconds before his brother's answer confirmed that he had hit the mark. He still managed to spit out an answer.  
-Then why did you have your skin as white as a fucking mime?  
Laszlo is content to finish vomiting rather than answer. He still asks:  
-What if you got to the point? I doubt you're here out of courtesy.  
-Fair enought: I heard you were giving classes to the Viscountess of Blackhill.  
-Yes, piano. And I also occasionally give flute lesson to her husband. Why?  
It's the most polite way to say what he's actually doing with her husband.  
-Perfect, you can be useful for once. They are close to the royal family, if we can make connections, we could move up the ladder faster than expected.  
-I'm stopping you now. We get along well, I'm easy to love after all. But you see me asking them if my brother is able to come and see them from the white like that? At least give me time...  
Cassius doesn't even let him finish his sentence before pulling his hair from behind before hitting his head against the basin.  
-I offer you the opportunity to be useful once in your life as a degenerate, Llewellyn. Need I remind you that you are still a child in the eyes of the law. Until you're twenty-five, you better obey if you don't want to die in the gutter with the rest of your maternal family. Am I being clear enough?  
Laszlo lifts his head up; blood flows from his forehead. His expression suddenly makes Cassius uncomfortable.  
-Out.  
-What did you just say?  
-I SAID GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I SCRACH YOUR EYES OUT AND TEARS YOUR TONGUE!  
Cassius in shock, moves back and rushes out. Laszlo feels too tired to enjoy his victory. He uses the sheet to clean his wound. Once the blood is gone, he doesn't see any wounds.

Henrietta is worried sick about her little brother. Calming Cassius and being listened to by others had been hell. She had taken the big steps and there she was. Knocked on the door didn't give anything and so she used her key. What she found had horrified her. The floor smells and was in a terrible state. She found Laszlo in his bed. He was well dressed, his skin was white and intact, the vermin had not attacked his body. He could have simply fallen asleep if it wasn't for his lack of pulse. She then realized with horror what had happened.  
Cyanide; fast, painless and leaving a pretty corpse.  
She had him buried quickly, claiming that he had always had a weak constitution so that people would not ask questions. Her brothers did nothing to stop her and her husband wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible. Nobody think too about it, given epidemics, that's more or less the norm anyway.  
They will sort his business into their business as soon as possible. For its part, Henrietta decided the next day to go and flower his grave. To her great terror, the land of the tomb of Llewellyn Augustus Stephen Zephyr Livingstone Oral Cravensworth was freshly turned. 

After the tragic death of the youngest son, the fate continued to plague the Cravensworth family. Henrietta's husband was attacked by an animal on his way back from his trip. Probably a wildcat escaped from a menagerie. Emptied of his blood, his throat so damaged that he had almost been beheaded and gutted. Poor Richard Cravensworth was later also the victim of an accident. Devouring by his own hunting dogs, what a bad luck. Edwin was no luckier; his horse was frightened by something and he was thrown on the ground before dragging it for several kilometers. He had to be identified by his rings. Cassius died tonight leaving only Henrietta's son as the only male inherited. His body will be found on his balcony, covered with wounds. The worst would be the face, which spared except for the eyes and mouth, reduced to a state of holes. 

-Are you kidding me?  
Nadja is ready to explode. She left him unattended for 24 hours. One day was too much to ask for? Make a victim, find your special power and don't hesitate to come back if you need help, baby. But not! Too simple, sir, he must have messed up everything. And the idiot is singing to crows feeding them what's left of his brother. Someone's about to get the spanking of his immortale-life.  
-Lullay, mine Liking, my dear Son, mine Sweeting,Lullay, my dear heart, mine own dear darling...Ouch! What are you doing?  
Nadja drags him by the ear to the edge of the balcony before saying:  
-You! The cemetery! Now! We have to talk.  
Laszlo feels a little intimidated and decides that obeying is in his best interest.  
-Bat!

-What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how much danger you have put yourself and your dear sister in?  
-I don't see how! They're all natural deaths! And Hettie wasn't even close to them when it happened...  
-Five people from the same family who die in less than two days, do you think that's natural?And you're sister has a vulva, that's enough in this world to make her guilty of every misfortune that strikes the village!  
-I hadn't thought of that...avoua Laszlo. And the animals are as much to blame as I am on it. They do most of the damage and I am still working on the kind of music that makes them the most cooperative. Lullabies work well with birds but dogs seem to prefer waltzes. Fascinating, isn't it?  
She still looks angry. Okay, change of tactics.  
-I am still learning, Nadja, and is it so shocking that I haven't yet fully mastered my special power one day after I discovered it? I just wanted to...  
-Have you're revenche? I hope it was bloody worth it!  
-No! Well, it was a nice bonus. But I wanted to help Hettie. Her husband was horrible to her! And my brothers were no better. The only male inheritance left is her son, which means that she is in charge until he is his majority. She... she took care of me all this time when she already had enough problems as it is. We didn't have the same mother, she had no responsibility toward me. And I thank her by running away with her lover and leaving her alone in that snake pit? What kind of brother would I be? I've already been cruel enough to steal her place! I stole her chance to be free, didn't I?  
Nadja took a deep breath, clearly trying to keep her calm.  
\- Nice but stupid, I'd say. And no, you didn't steal anything and certainly not me.I don't even know why I did it! I guess we could slaughter all the males in one or two families to make them fall under suspicion. No children!  
-Work for me. I..I..I'm sorry. I swear it worked last time!  
-With you're papa?  
Laszlo responds with a strangely charming candor:  
-Yes, of course. Honestly, I didn't think it would be that easy. In fact, I don't understand why no one else did it before me. Not Hettie, she's too sweet for her own good. But my brothers, they never had much scruples and the opportunity was there! He was an old man sick of the Gout who couldn't even get out of bed. And they were still afraid of him, if that's not ridiculous? Three grow men in the prime of their lives terrified an old man who couldn't wipe himself alone?Of course, they used his money to keep us on a leash, but... Actually, it's funny. My brothers like to remind me of my status as a courtesan's son...  
-Love child? ask Nadja.  
-Not even, I was born a good ten months after their marriage. I'm as legitimate as they are. And my courtesan mother has always told me that I deserve love and respect. Strange that their noble mothers never told them the same thing. I was the only one who refused to be humiliated and abused for money. It make me sick to see that. So I decided to secure my future and do my siblings a favor. I went to see him in his room and started searching for his cigars. I then lit one of them and smoked until he woke up. He wasn't happy, he starts yelling at me. I had a hard time making myself look like a poor, repentant little boy. I can't stop thinking how I could have use to been so scared of that scumbag? I leaned towards him, blew the smoke into his mouth with blockage with his nose too. 4 minutes and a shitty breath later, it was over. He didn't even have a visible mark. With his condition and lifestyle, no one has looked any further. No one suspected me, I'm just a pretty thing.  
-Don't exaggerate, Nadja said as she rolled her eyes. -Does it help?  
-Hmm, for my brothers it do, not really for my poor sister. Me... well, a longer, looser leash was appreciated but it could have been better. A little independence and not being a dickhead, is that so much a demand?  
-To be independent, you have to be able to be left alone without doing anything stupid. But yes, I guess not being a dickhead as you say avoids ending up as a meal for your furry friends. But enough about it, we have people killed...  
-Before...ask Laszlo.  
-Yes? asks Nadja, clearly frustrated.  
-Thank you again. For all you do for me.  
-It's nothing.  
-No, it's not. I don't know if you realize what you did to me.  
-I...  
-You kill me! And yet I don't remember ever feeling so alive! I'm not going to lose my face, my hands or my manhood. I was desperate to feel anything. And now, not only do I feel something, but I feel something good. Your darkness has not destroyed my soul, they gave her freedom.  
Nadja looks at him with an expression that is difficult to read before she moves forward to take his face in her hands.  
-My little cub, I'm glad to know you're feeling well. But I can't promise that this pain will never come back.  
-I know.  
And Laszlo laughs when he sees her surprise. A real laugh without sarcasm or meanness.  
-But you allowed me to keep everything that helps me keep my head above water. You allowed me to be free for real this time. I have no idea why I decided to tell you about my emptiness but thank you for believing me and not being pushed away by the rest.Flying is quite nice too. I guess it took a demon to understand a damn...  
Nadja silences him with a deep kiss beford talking:  
-It's all or nothing with you, isn't it? I guess I'll have to keep my eyes on you until I'm sure you know how to behave.  
Laszlo doesn't answer, preferring get back to kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I don't believe in shit like that the power of love heals everything. For example, I believe having people who recognize the existence of a mental health problem, do not judge and actively try to help find treatments or mechanisms to manage can do a lot of good and motivates people.  
2) I also like to think that Laszlo was changed under circumstances similar to Jenna. It seems out of character for Nadja to just pick up a random guy to be her boyfriend and their relationship seems deeper than a Stockholm syndrome.  
3)Laszlo does not just defend the honor of his mother because he loves her: as a courtesan, Laszlo's mother would have been effectively educated, would have played several instruments and speak foreign languages. And yes, for a noble woman, takin care of her own child would have been basically equivalent to being a free spirit mom.  
4) Yes, Coca is a 17th century drug; a mixture of chocolate, coffee or wine with the coca plant ... Coca-cola is older that we are thinking.  
5) I also want to give a special thanks to the three men who helped me with the scene or Laszlo discovers he has leprosy. I could not have done it without you, guys.  
6)I will also be clear that given the time Laszlo was born (before 1670) any disease causing necrosis, lesions or spots were called Leprosy. So yes, Laszlo could have had leprosy but let's say there are a lot of other possible diseases like St. John's fire or measles (yes, seriously measles belongs to the same category as leprosy, that's why we vaccinate). The worst symptoms are real possible effects and exile is the solution of the time to solve the problem. My only freedom is the description of the fluid that is based on my sepsis (it was on my back and it remains one of the most terrifying experiences that has ever happened to me).


	4. Colin Robinson or the Metamorphosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last two really long ones, we go back to something shorter. So the show wasn't generous with details about energy vampires, so I made with what I had. That is to say mainly the little said by Colin, internet and what I believe are their major inspirations.

-I... I don't know where to start...,Colin said weakly.

-Well, how about the beginning?

-I guess so, but it's going to be a long story. I don't want to bother you...

-You never bother me. Just tell me about it!

-I warned you. Well, it started on my 16th birthday...

Colin Robinson wake up for another ordinary but not unhappy day. Well, almost: it's his birthday. He and his mother have little means: not poor, in fact without being called rich, they go out better than others in their situation. Colin's father died shortly before his birth and his mother was left alone to raise a child. But she was a strong woman and she had succeeded: she managed the general store of their small town. The only one in the region so even if you didn't like it, you had to go there for your most basic needs; bread, milk, cigarettes, etc...

They still can't afford some luxury (Colin dreams of the day when he can afford his own document case) but he had access to good clothes, a roof over his head, go to school and had never experienced hunger in his life.Even if she had to stay later at the store, she makes sure he as hall that is needed and she always seemed in a good mood.

On the way down to the kitchen, Colin saw that the table had been set for breakfast with a card that he opened it for read inside: 

Happy birthday Colin! Sorry to leave you alone, but there's an emergency at the store. I'll give you your present tonight. Have a good day. Mom xxx

Colin was more worried about her than disappointed: she was going to kill herself at work. Colin looked down at her meal: crepes, sausage, potatoes, eggs, cheese,toast, small vegetables, coffee, milk, etc..It was a miracle he wasn't obese with what she was giving him. Colin took a sausage and rolled it in a pancake and sprinkled it with syrup. He then took a bite to feel something sticky with a rancid taste on his tongue. He spit out his mouth without delay, repulsed.

Something must have gone wrong. It's not a big deal, it happens to everyone. He took an apple and took a bite. He feels it clearly, the rot. This time, it doesn't take much for Colin to vomit despite his empty stomach. 

After drinking a little water, Colin begins with caution dissected the food. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Some smell makes him nauseous but nothing smells musty. Maybe he's sick. It never happens to him normally, he's in good health. He would just have to go through the day on an empty stomach and at night ask his mother to bring in the doctor. Talk about a happy birthday! 

He couldn't eat anything, but it was impossible to save everything. Throwing food seems appalling to him knowing that most people didn't have a chance has such a quality. He could drop it off somewhere where immigrants and beggars hang out? Seemed like the right thing to do. At least someone's getting something to eat today.  
Trying to ignore his stomach, Colin walked towards the church, but just as he tried to get through the door, he encountered an invisible wall.

-Ouch! What the...?!

Colin put the food down and tried to touch the door. His hand met an obstacle each time he tried to cross the threshold.

What the hell's going on?

-Are you all right, son?

Colin raised his head to find the priest looking up at him worried.

-Nothing! I'm sorry, I slipped on something...

As Colin was speaking to the priest, he saw something: the world seemed to have become black and white. The only exception was the priest, a kind of yellow light pulsed through him. Colin could feel his stomach twisting. 

It's... it's really beautiful.

-Are you sure you didn't hit your head, son?

Colin comes back to reality, confused.

-Uh, yeah, I'm just a little dizzy. Sorry, I just wanted to... put this down...

Colin tries awkwardly to give the food away, almost dropping it, but fortunately for him, the priest has good reflexes. He opens the bag and was impresses because he can see.

-That's very generous, son. But you really didn't seem well. Are you sure you don't want to come and sit down for a while?

The light is so strong and beautiful that it's starting to hurt Colin.

-No! I'm late, I have to go!

He ran away before the priest could try to stop him.

The rest of the day is terrible. He is hungry, exhausted and every time he meets a person, the same phenomenon occurs: the only difference is the color. He feels so bad, he doesn't have the strength to go to school. He was just gonna go home, lay back and hope he could ignore his stomachache. But as he tried to walk with his eyes on the ground, he ran into a person.

-But be a little careful!  
-I-I'm so-sorry.

-You okay, boy?

Colin's is a polite boy but he just wants to to said her to piss off. But he changes his mind when he looks at her.

The light, damn it. It shines so bright and it's a beautiful blue that makes the sky look faded. He wants it, he wants it so bad, it hurts to think about it. The lady looks at him before she asks:

-You don't look well, my husband's a doctor, maybe...  
-No! I mean... I just have to get home but I don't know if I...

He doesn't want her to leave, she has to stay or he'll die, part of him is sure of it! He doesn't really force himself to do the following, he actually stops forcing himself.

-What the hell! What's the matter with you?  
-I-I don't know. Please, ... I just want to go home.

The woman sighs but finally asks: 

-And where do you live?   
-Above the general store.  
-You're the widow Robinson's kid?

She said that with clear disgust. Okay, rude. His mother makes the pastor's wife look like the brothel owner. She's never done anything that merits such a complaint. 

The woman still allows him to take her arm for support and the two go to the store. Colin is not going to lie, the proximity to the light helps a little but not enough. To occupy his mind, he ends up asking:

-Do you know her?  
-Well, she runs the store, right? It's not like we can go anywhere else.  
-The basic investment is expensive and the dangers on the roads make it preferable for the deliverymen not to make too many stopovers...  
-Maybe you should save your strength and don't talk, honey.  
-Talking actually helps you to stay conscious because it keeps you focused.

It works really well, the light diminishes but he feels his strength coming back to him, his stomach finally shutting up. The lady seems exhausted but because of her moral fibre or what she would look like if she abandoned him, accompanied him and stayed with him. Once at the store, she's the one who looks like she's about to pass out.

-Colin, sweetie, what are you doing here? ask miss Robinson  
-I've been feeling sick all day, Mom. I haven't even been able to make it to school.   
-Oh, you poor thing. It's a good thing you ran into Mrs Thomson! You're so good with young people, you only have to see how you take care of your husband's nephew every time he comes to visit you. It's a pity, for example, that he always falls when his uncle's away. 

Mrs. Thomson just mumbled and left the shop without a glance.

-Do you have a fever, Colin?asked his mother.  
-I'm not sure, I'd just like to go lie down, please, Mom.  
-Fine, but you come to me if it gets worse.  
-I promise.

Colin went up the stairs and before going to bed on purpose, it passes a little water on his face trying to make sense of the strange events of the day.The cool water did him good, but as he wiped his face, he saw his reflection.

His skin is blue! Not slightly bluish from the cold, no, freaking blue indigo. Those eyes are almost fluorescing lilac-blue. A quick glance at his still pinkish-white hand shows him that it's only a secret revealed by the mirror. 

-What the hell is happening to me?

-Colin, Colin please open the door, darling! You've been locked in your room since last night, I'm worried for you!   
-Go away! I want to be alone, please!  
-Not until you tell me what's going on with you! Are you in pain? Or did something bad happen to you? Sweetheart, I'm worried sick!continue Mrs. Robinson through the door.

Colin finally gives in and opens the door:  
-I think I'm going crazy, Mom.

He had told her everything: his inability to eat real food, his visions, that strange hunger that now inhabits him. Now he was waiting for her judgment. Better case, she would confirm that he was insane, worse case, she would go to the pastor to exorcise him.

At present, Mrs. Robinson merely observes him before taking out her pack of cigarettes and lights one.

-You want some?  
-No.

His mother took a deep breath, before expelling the smoke along with her answer.

-Well, honey. There's no shame in being a late bloomer.

Oh great!

-Mom, It's not the bees and the flowers...  
-I know, it's the spider and the flies.

And Colin meets his eyes, her eyes are fluorescent blue.

-I admit I'm starting to get worried. But, well, your father and I were both, so impossible for you to not be too.

Suddenly Colin looked at his mother, really looking at her and remembering the wedding picture with the father he never knew. She hasn't changed. Maybe the haircut, but that's it. No wrinkles, no gray hair. In the photo, she looks like she's nearing the limit of being an old girl making her now look like she had him young.She's not ugly, but she's not pretty either. He's also trying to remember a moment when he saw her eating. Nothing, just drinking water and smoking, that's all. 

She smiles as she looks at him slowly realized.

-What are we?ended up asking Colin.  
-We have a lot of names, the most common being vampire," explains his mother as she continues to smoke.  
-Like in Dracula?  
-Oh, honey, no, she's laughing. -We're from the same family but with a subspecies difference as the nocturnals. They're dead, so they've stopped aging. You, it'll just slow down if you take care of yourself. You didn't get stuck for be sixteen forever.  
-This doesn't make any sense. How a species can exist when it's dead?  
-I don't know, honey. Maybe it's a mutation that happens when one of us is almost dead, or we were born of them when one refused to die. It doesn't change the situation much. They have more power but we have less weakness.  
-Such as?Because the part about me being able to go out in the daytime, I don't see what I've got that's better than them. Not to mention the fact that I HARM PEOPLE!!!!

Mrs. Robinson sighed before continuing:   
-Garlic, silver, religious signs won't do anything to you.   
-I can't get into the church!  
-You need to be invited to allow in a new place, Colin.I raised a good boy who looks good and is polite, it shouldn't be hard. You're going to like going to mass, you only have to bend that way to find food, she explains by running her tongue across her lips.

Colin finds it difficult to hide his discomfort and his mother changes tactics.

-Seeing the energy of your prey, turning yourself into an animal, sometimes if you have enough strength you can fly," continued his mother trying to cheer him up. -Isn't this fun?

-...what kind of animal?  
-Depends on the person, for me it's a skunk and your father was a rattlesnake.What fun we have hunting them together. 

She takes a puff of her cigarette and looks at her son with a mixture of joy and sadness.

-I don't think you realize how precious you are, my dear boy. We... we can make children...  
-Yerk, mom!  
-It's important that you know. But we don't make time for it because we're...territorial. Sharing food is unnatural to us. While your father and I could live and hunt together, it wasn't nothing. I really loved him, but when I got pregnant, I was hungry all the time.I couldn't keep a low profile and your father had to keep expanding our territory. And they found us.  
-Who?  
-Vampire hunters, I guess they've forgotten the fact that we don't kill. It's not our fault that an epidemic happens and someone has a weaker immune system or someone fell asleep while driving a trailer, one too many beers has the same result.   
-Did they kill him?  
-Yes. But we got justice. Your father was a proud, practising Anglo-Saxon who had never been in trouble with a pregnant widow. A foreign gang in the middle of nowhere expected flowers and congratulations didn't stand a chance. Hang them high. And cases of people feeling compelled to come to me out of sympathy. It's been very helpful, I won't deny it.

And she was giving him the creeps again.

-Are you saying it's my fault?  
-Oh no, don't say such things! She shouted as she gave up her cigarette to come and see her son.  
-What I'm saying is there's nothing horrible about you. You're a lion, why should you worry about cows whose lives are settled between eating, work and sleep. You won't let yourself die for if you can, I won't allow it. I want to enjoy the time we have left.  
-What do you mean?

His mother looked at him uncomfortably.

-What I said about staying in the same territory. Family ties don't stop instinct. Now it's all right, but in a few years, we'll want to jump down each other's throats. It doesn't mean we can never see each other again, but more than a few days together could become... stressful. I'm sorry, sweety.

Colin doesn't say anything for a long time before he says:

-That's it?Don't you have any other surprises for me?  
-No, but I'm open to questions.  
-Okay, then.  
-Okay?  
-What else do you want me to say? I was never human and nothing's gonna make me one of them. So I guess I better become a good predator instead and make the best of it. Let try now.

And his eyes turned fluorescent blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. But to me energy vampires really do look like the black eyed kids.


	5. Guillermo de  la Cruz or the last battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, Guillermo was supposed to have only one chapter like everyone else but his ended obscenely long so I had to cut it in half. Sorry. [Chuckles]

-Oh, my head... Guillermo started. -What happened...  
-GUILLLLLERRRMMOOOOOO!!!!!!!!Nandor shouted as he grabbed him.

Nandor the Relentless, ruler of Al Quolanudar, great warrior who had terrified the West as well as the East, powerful vampire master of fire...was ugly crying in his chest.  
Guillermo was lying in his bed and everyone in the house was in his room, squeezed together like sardines. 

-Eww, Nandor stop it! People gonna look at us! Laszlo complains.  
-We're inside, said Jenna.  
-He cried out loud enough that the neighbors must hear him," the Englishman defended himself.  
-Master, what's wrong? Guillermo asked worriedly, trying to calm down the vampire who kept crying while brushingh is hair in a effort confort him.  
-You don't have to call him by that title anymore, says Nadja.  
-What do you mean?

Nadja took out a compact and opened it in front of Guillermo.

-I don't see anything... Oh, shit, I don't see anything! AM I A VAMPIRE? FOR REAL?!  
-Yes, you are, says Laszlo annoyed. -Can we move on now?  
-Wait! How... how did this happen? I don't remember anything.  
-Your unholy transformation was a little chaotic, let's say, explain Nadja. 

Jenna approached awkwardly with a damaged camera she was holding in her arms like a baby.

-I managed to retrieve it, but it's pretty damaged. We've still got footage on it.  
-The crew..?

Nadja and Laszlo's expressions of discomfort told him everything there was to know about their situation.

-They're not all dead...  
-That's right, two are in comas and one's in an asylum, Colin mocked.   
-We sent flowers! Some beautiful Tagetes! Defended himself Laszlo.  
-I made the bouquets myself, Nadja continued.  
-You're so full of talent," said Jenna, smiling.  
-I'm sorry, I'm really glad I'm finally a vampire. I mean, I've been working on this for ten years, but... Can someone tell me how this happened?!  
-I-I can explain... started Nandor through his tears.  
-You, you're going to come and blow your nose now..." Nadja started trying to pull Nandor out of Guillermo, but Nandor growled.  
-...Or you keep spilling your tears, snot and any other bodily fluids that make you happy on Gizmo. Whatever is you're pleasure!

Guillermo then began to look at Laszlo intensely and he began to realize something. It was as if he saw clearly for the first time in a long time and he couldn't help saying:

-You know, Laszlo, now you can stop deliberately misusing my name. Because yes, I know you're doing it on purpose unlike Nadja, who just doesn't have a memory for names. Because your problems with connects to other, insecurity and trust issus do not give you the right to treat people with the same kind of abuse that you have suffered. Maybe you should consult and trying to find a better defense mechanism for being the mean girl from high school at the honourable age of 334.

Laszlo froze after Guillermo's tirade, looking shocked.Guillermo began to feel bad, thinking he had gone too far. Pushing Nandor away, he tried to get close to the British vampire to apologize.

-Laszlo, I'm...

But he was interrupted by Laszlo, who threw on him, growling, with scarlet eyes.

Nadja and Nandor had rushed to help, but strangely enough, Guillermo wasn't so scared. Ok, he need to focus on the weak spots. Nandor was the most powerful, Nadja the strongest... but Laszlo the most vicious.He was lazy unless he was motivated. The motivation was definitely there.You could count on one hand the people Laszlo wouldn't kill out of spite, but he'd walk a mile on holy ground for those people. Nadja!Yeah, hurting Nadja ..but would only make him more aggressive, and she had started in her later years being really nice to Guillermo. What else?He liked music. No, but Guillermo getting warm... .. Oh, yeah, that could work!

As Laszlo tucked his claws into Guillermo's throat, Guillermo struck his skull as hard as he could against the Britishman's nose. A disgusting sound of broken bones was heard as well as a scream of surprise and pain that turned into a scream of horror! 

-My beautiful face, my perfect nose! Nadja! That fucker mutilated me!

Nadja brought her husband against her to see the state of the damage. Nandor picked up Guillermo and dropped him on his knees, shouting an insult in Arabic at Laszlo and starting to watch Guillermo looking for injuries. Poor Jenna looks at them both not knowing who to back up. Colin for his part just seemed vaguely amused.

-Did he hurt you?  
-So little, everything is already healing. And...oh! The effect of the endorphin is really nice. If it's always like this, I can see why so many of you are in the bdsm...  
-Let's start slow. Are you sure you're okay?  
-SHUT UP, I'M THE VICTIM HERE!  
-I'm really sorry, Laszlo, but it was the only thing that was gonna get you ...  
-GO TO HELL, YOU FUCKING TWAT!  
-Laszlo, sweetheart, look at me, said his wife. -We're wasting time. I need to replace your nose before the bone and cartilage heal like this. Otherwise, we'll have to break it again.  
-Just do it! ask Laszlo.  
-All right, do you want to count to three together? Says Nadja with a soft voice as she placed her hands against Laszlo's bloody nose...  
-Yes. One...AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  
-Sorry, my little bear cub but we both knew you'd back off on the count of three on reflex, said Nadja before kissing his forehead.

Laszlo decided to let his wife comfort him, but the look he was giving to Guillermo made it clear: I'm going to rip your head off and make you suffer worse outrage than what I did to Oliver Cromwell.  
-Mas... I mean Nandor.

It was weird calling him by his first name, but nice.

-I'd really like to know what happened.  
-I can explain. We can also look at the few excerpts we have, said Jenna.

She took out a computer and plugged the camera into it. On the screen that appeared, Guillermo picking up debris in the garden of vulvae. Suddenly, he stopped in surprise and looked around.

-Did you feel that? It was like a tremor. There it goes again! Maybe it would be better to go home...Oh shit!, shouts Guillermo when the earth rises for real.

Guillermo tries to flee, but something explodes out of the ground. They see the camra shaking and they hear screams. A dark shape with red eyes comes out of the ground. The screams of the film crew could be heard and the camera was thrown to the ground. This still gave a good angle to see the thing thrown at Guillermo where one could hear a disgusting succession noise. 

-He's killing me," Guillermo realized in shock.  
-Maybe it's better that you don't remember," said Nandor as he put his hand on her shoulder.  
-Well, at least now we know why his nickname was the Undeading, said Colin.

Suddenly someone shouted something that Guillermo didn't understand, but the Baron raised his head to strike with a jet of flames. It got him off Guillermo's back, but it didn't stop him. More screams were heard and suddenly the image stopped.

-What happened next?  
-Oh, can I tell? Jenna asked.  
-Sure baby, answer Nadja.   
-Okay then...

Jenna's Narration

So everyone rushed outside when they heard the noise. And then we saw this monster drinking Guillermo's blood. So Laszlo said:

-He's alive? How is that possible?

And Colin Robinson answered:

-More undead, but I see your point. Didn't you say his nickname was the immortal?

So Nadja said:

-Everyone turned into a bat or a crow. Colin Robinson, turn into a gecko, we're going to transport you!

But then she saw a cologne of fire strike the Baron. Nandor scream like badass:   
-Leave my friend alone, you piece of shit!

He sounded super cool, but he also sounded scary when he said it and...

-Baby, focus please.

Right, well. Nandor was ready to fight to save Guillermo. We were a little more hesitant. Sorry, Guillermo.

-I'm used to it.

Nadja looked at him and he told her:

-I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT GUILLERMO!!!!!  
-Nandor...  
-If it was Laszlo or Jenna, would you leave?

I still can't believe it says that.

-Me either, said Guillermo.

And Nadja don't look at him for sure until she says:

-Fine, Jenna and Colin Robinson if you want to leave...  
-I'm staying, I want to help, I said.  
-I'm going to need one of you to leave anyway so I guess I'm staying," said Colin Robinson.  
-Are you out of your damn mind? Laszlo shouted angrily. - It's over! It's over for him! And if you keep going, you'll be fucking over for you too!  
-He's been taking care of you for ten years!

I'm the one who said that.

-I should have changed him before, I know it's my fault!

-Did you say that? ask Guillermo.  
-Um...I was...I...I mean...does it really matter? ask Nandor. -Just said the rest of the story!

And then Laszlo got pretty nasty.

-He's just a mortal, a very practical one, I admit, but he was going to die anyway!  
-Funny, I remember meeting a mortal who was going to die of disease or even of his own hand and thinking to myself that it was unfair that he should die. That he deserves better and I wanted to see what he had to offer. I guess I was a bloody imbecil! screamed Nadja.

I've discovered that vampires can blush at this time. And Laszlo just said really softly:

-Bat.

And at the time, we were all angry with him. But that was about to change. I'm not going to repeat what Nadja said by example.

-What did you say? ask Laszlo  
-Shh, let her finish.

-Okay, we need a plan and we need it fast! ask Nadja.  
-Somebody must keep the baron busy until we get Guillermo back.   
-And his blood, said Nadja.  
-The baron's blood? What's that for? ask Nandor.  
-Goddamn it, Nandor! To turn him into a creature of the night!  
-No time, we'll just use mine!  
-You can't, you idiot! It has to be the blood of the vampire that drained you of your blood!

Even I know that.

-Guys... started Colin.  
-WHAT?  
-I'm really trying not to touch your energy right now so appreciate the effort! And the baron is healing from his wounds with all the time you take chatting! The four of us won't be able to defeat an angry baron who heal himself!

We really thought we were finished, but the cavalry had arrived!

-We're not four, we're five, plus an army of infantry.

Laszlo was there with a flute in his right hand, a bag full of weapons in his left and several hundred rats at his feet. He looked like a badass version of the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

-Laszlo! Nadja scream with a big smile.  
-You, like me, need a weapon! he said in throwing the bag at us.. -And you don't know how lucky you are that city employees were doing work on a manhole!

His heart may not be beating, but he's here!

-I only did it for my sweet lady wife Nadja and because you insulted my honor!I don't care about Guillermo! Laszlo shouted angrily, hiding his face in Najda's shoulder.

-You just called him by the right name, gently mocked his wife.

Laszlo eave something incomprehensible that made Nadja laugh.

-Then what happens? ask Guillermo.

So the Nandor went captain American...

-Who? ask Nandor.  
-I'll explain after, I promise, Guillermo said.  
-His ass isn't that good, said Nadja.

My point is that Nandor has shown why he was called Relentless.

-Now, listen to me carefully because I won't have time to rehearse! Laszlo, you hypnotize the rats to attack the baron, it doesn't matter if the damage is minimal, I just need you to keep him busy!  
-It's within my reach.  
-Nadja, mingle with the normal rats and find the best attack angle.  
-Fine.  
-Jenna, can you make things invisible if you have them on you?  
-Depends on what it is...  
-Is this too big? He asked me with an axe.  
-It's borderline, but I think I can make it!  
-Well, get as close as you can to the baron and when Najda starts to reform, you give it to her. Stay here until you can get some of the Baron's blood and get back as soon as you can. Colin Robinson...  
-Yes?  
-When Nadja and Laszlo start attacking the Baron, he'll start defending himself. I need you to be the most annoying and boring person you ever were! Take all the energie you can!  
-I won't let you down.  
-I'm going to get Guillermo, take him to safety, make him drink the Baron's blood, and then I'll come back and help you! READY?

Team battle scream!

-It's never freaking happened!

That was in our hearts!

So Nandor kept sending flames at the Baron while Nadja mingled with Laszlo's rats. By the way, did I dream or did you play Nutcracker?

-Huh, among other things. Rats just really love ballet in general.

Finally, Nadja went towards him with the rats while I followed with the axe. I had managed to make it invincible but I was really afraid of losing my concentration! The rats have begun to attack the baron and Nandor was right, they didn't do much damage, but they keep him busy. Enough for him to leave Guillermo alone. I was reassured when I heard your heartbeat, it was weak but there it was.

-Is it normal for me to be stressed when I know I'm alive at the end of the story? I mean, undead?

Nadja began to reform while the baron looked the other way. I also saw Nandor arriving with Colin Robinson on his back. I knew it was now or never! I threw her the ax!

Nadja caught him with one hand and reformed like the badass she is. It was as cool as it sounds.

-Come on, anyone could have done it, says Nadja.

Nope! Only you. And after she said:

-Hey Barren, come to kiss me!  
And Nadja hits him with all her might on the shoulder, cutting off his arm. I picked it up like Nandor told me to. It was disgusting, it kept moving and I swear it tried to gouge my eyes out!

-Oh we believe you, trust me!

Nandor threw a final burst of flame at him before dropping off Colin Robinson and taking Guillermo to safety in the house. I followed them. We dropped you off in you're bed, Guillermo. You were in a really bad way. Nandor took the arm from my hands and said:

-Hold his head up, the last thing we needs is to him to suffocate!

I obeyed and he squeezed his arm over your mouth before we'd make you swallow. Your eyes changed color for a few seconds, but that's the only reaction we get from you. 

-And now? I ask.  
-You stay with him. I'll help the others finish off the Baron.

I missed the final but I got some information from the others when they came back 20 minutes later. Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor were covered in blood and goo. Colin was also tainted with blood but in more negligible quantities than the others.They looked exhausted too.

-I think I spent six hours removing the pieces of flesh from my hair," says Nadja.

And I asked what happened.

-The Baron is... Well, he's not moving, but I wouldn't take the chance of declaring him dead again, said Laszlo. -Colin Robin, I have no idea what you told him, but it knocked him out hard.  
-The guide to meditation, with the art of public speaking and the origin of species is in my top 3 material to take energy.  
-Nice selection, I said.   
-We've put the different pieces in boxes, we'll take care of them tomorrow night, baby," says Najda.  
-How's Guillermo? ask Nandor.  
-His heart's getting weaker and weaker, is that good or...? I asked confusedly.

Nandor rushed without answering me to see Guillermo. I wanted to follow him but Nadja stopped me.

-Leave him, he needs to be alone.  
-And we of a good bath, unless you prefer that we get even dirtier," said Laszlo with a hungry look in his eyes.  
-You're proposing that we make the beast with two backs after murdering an ex-lover? Nadja asked.  
-What a bad dirty naughty boy are you!

I admit I felt a little overwhelmed, but I understood that they needed some time together. But Nadja didn't let go of my hand.

-We're not chasing you away, little one.  
-I-I...

I wasn't sure what to do in a situation like this. But Laszlo understood  
-We can be a jam sandwich.  
-I'm not sure I understand.  
-Bread, jam, bread, he said pointing himself, then Nadja and finally me.   
-What he means is that your interactions may stay minimal, explain Nadja. -But only if you feel like it, you can always said no if you want. 

-So your statue has all three of them?" asked Guillermo.  
-My dear husband and my beloved girlfriend, says Nadja.  
-But nothing more than the friendship between Laszlo and me," Jenna said.  
-So, you didn't...  
-We ca pig together if we all want, said coldly Laszlo.  
-Become a vampire, come out, kill my first guy, lose my virginity, defeat a vampire evil lord,get my first thressome, list Jenna. -This is a really big year for me.   
-It's the first of many, Nadja smiles at her.  
-So what did you do with the Baron's remains? ask Guillermo.  
-Our worst, says Nadja with disgust.

Uh, we had to google a more definitive way to find out if the Baron's not coming back. It was like building a gas chamber. Besides, I'm not gonna lie: Laszlo and Nadja looked creepy with ther protection. A stained leather apron, gloves made of the same material, a gas mask for Laszla and a surgeon one for Nadja.

-So, when they say to put garlic cloves in the holes, they specify which ones? asked Laszlo.  
-Not to mention, I wouldn't take any chances if I were you, said Colin Robinson.   
-All right, Baron, try to imagine it's ginger i guess.  
-You think six pieces is enough? Najda asks.  
-Let's hope so. I can at least confirm that his energy level is very low.  
\- Speaking of which, Jenna, could you check on Nandor and Guillermo? Get the sipycup from the fridge, I'm not sure he's eaten either.  
\- Nandor have a sipycupe? I asked.  
-He doesn't like straws, says Nadja.  
-Personally, it's crystal glasses for me or nothing, say Laszlo.  
-I don't know, drinking from a little bowl on the porch can be nice. 

I didn't really take part in the debate (even though I like to drink blood from my bottle). I found the sipyc cup and I left to give it to Nandor. I heard...

-No!

Nandor had shouted the word loud enough to get everyone's attention.

-Don't!  
-Mas... Nandor what the...?  
-It was nothing wrong. I even found it really sweet...try to explains Jenna.  
-Jenna, he's not comfortable. Just leave it alone, said Laszlo. 

Anyway, I gave Nandor his sipycup and he promised to drink a little. But the hardest thing was still to do: we had to find a place to bury the different pieces of the baron.  
They had to be holy places and a way had to be found to place them.  
The first 5 were relatively easy thanks to Nadja.

-My charm works well on most faiths.

Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim and Shintoism. Nadja convinced them all to take a box and bury it in the place of worship. But we still had a box who needed to find a house. 

-I suggested Mormon, but they don't have a big enough population on Staten Island, said Nadja.  
-For my part, I proposed Hoodoo but the community center wouldn't let us put our 'waste' in their house. They bitch about we take you're responsibility and have enough P.R. problems without having the remains of a former vampire buried in their home. Should they be selfish! complains Laszlo.  
-I suggested scientology, but I heard it doesn't work if you're just a religion so you don't have to pay taxes, said sadly Jenna. 

We became desperate and were experimenting with mega church fubdamentalism.

-Does anybody feel anything? I ask.  
-Not really, but it kind of looks like a mall, maybe it would work better if we were in the heart, said Nadja.  
-I guess I'm going to be the guinea pig, Laszlo said grumpy.

Laszlo walked over to one of the benches and sat down. And then... let's just say we didn't see that coming. Laszlo made a noise... of pleasure?

-I knew you and Nadja could be aggressive in your games, but...began Nandor.  
-Oh no, it was just really nice! Laszlo corrected him.  
-What?  
-I swear, just like a nice hot bath or when you're leaning against the radiator.

Guillermo turned to Nadja who said:

-He's right, I tried.  
-That's... worrying.  
-At least I got him out of there before he went to bed in the holy water supply.

Finally, the problem remains, we had nowhere to put the baron's last piece. But our luck has about to turn.

-Hey you three, said a guy.

Nadja and Laszlo immediately went into battle mode!

-What do you want, dog? ask Nadja.  
-First of all, it's racist! I'm not calling you a leech. Second of all, I'm the one who should be asking you. My girlfriend who works at the Caribbean relationship center called to tell me a vampire group is trying to get rid of something dangerous.  
-Hey, we're not trying to pass on our problems, we just need a holy place to put a piece of ancient evil that'll probably kill everything in its path. We're... how do you say again, Jenna? ask me Laszlo.  
-Misunderstood heroes?  
-That'll do.

The werewolf rolled his eyes. 

-Take us seriously! This vampire is really dangerous! I've seen him destroy villages and he's out to make vampires rule the world! That's bad for you! explained Nadja.   
-You're not tempted because...?   
-Even though we'd be most loveling dictator...I don't trust us to fix this whole global warming mess, explain Laszlo.  
-He's one of the few vampires I know who went to college and he can't do double-digit multiplication," Nadja explained, pointing to Laszlo.   
-Hey, I can do it with a calculator. And I speak five languages! Math is just not my strong suit, okay!

-You needed to rehearse that? Laszlo ask frustrated.

That's all right, I know you were all born before modern education. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I, for example, did something I'm not proud of...

-And he's their ex-boyfriend too! He was abusive to them!  
-What? asked the werewolf (whom I learned was named Marcu).   
-Not only was he a terrifying evil lord vampire who want take over the world but he was also their ex and he was horrible to them. He threatened them, abused them, hit them.Their roommates went through the same thing the whole time he was in their house. One of our friends is between half-life and death because of him!  
-Is that so?  
-We do have a... We do have a friend in critical condition because of him. If he dies for real, I'm also afraid we'll lose another friend to grief, said Nadja.  
-I know he had his own problems, but he threatened to cut my wife's head off! And he threw me up against the wall! I thought he was gonna kill her and I was gonna have to watch helplessly!  
-Sounds pretty serious indeed, Marcus said more hesitantly. - Okay, give me the package.  
-What are you going to do with it? Nadja asked.  
-My grandparents live on a reserve. We have sacred places there that should be strong enough to hold him. And bonus, Native American cemeteries terrorize white people, so that gives you extra protection, Marcus smiles.   
-Oh thank you! I said hugging him.   
-Jenna! Don't do that, Nadja screamed.   
-It's okay. I don't really like you, but I'm not heartless either, says Marcu uncomfortable. 

I still think this is the beginning of a possible reconciliation with the...

-Over my dead boby! said Laszlo.  
-Anyway, thanks to Marcu, we're rid of the Baron, conclu Jenna.  
-I would have liked to see how your fight went, said Guillermo. -I mean, what you're telling me makes sense: Jenna is very inexperienced and not very aggressive, but she has an extremely rare power and works well as a team player. Nadja for her part...  
-You know them well enough to know their strengths and weaknesses, but how do you know about me? Jenna asked.  
-I, uh... I...How do I know that? realized Guillermo in shock.  
-What you said about Laszlo issus and how you knew that the way he will let go, you just knew that too? Colin asked.

Guillermo fell silent for a minute, then with an amused smile, decided to try a little experiment.

-I don't know, Colin Robinson, but it's a good question. Let's talk about it, I'm sure it'll be interesting. 

Colin retreated in surprise while Guillermo held back laughing. Nandor was the first to understand.

-You see people's strengths and weaknesses?  
-Looks like it.  
-It's too powerful, it's cheating," Laszlo shouted.  
-I've never seen anything like it," said Nadja in shock.  
-I think I understand where this is really coming from," says Guillermo. -The special power is linked to your pre-existing personality and talent, isn't it? Nandor likes to set things on fire...  
-Who doesn't like that?  
-Nadja spent her life having to flee and save herself, Laszlo is a musical prodigy, Jenna goes unnoticed...  
-Not my choice.  
-Colin Robinson has a photographic memory...  
-Do energy vampires have special powers? Nadja asked surprised.   
-It's not as flashy as you, but yeah, how do you think I remember all his information?  
-And me...  
-Are you a D&d fan? Jenna asked.  
-I like it, but no. Remember the DNA test? Guess who's a descendant of Van Helsing? That guy! Says Guillermo in a heartbeat.

He had a deathly silence before the chao reigned in the room.

-Kill him, Nandor now! Nadja screamed, pushing Jenna behind her.

Laszlo had fallen to the floor, was hyperventilating despite not breathing. 

-Guys, stop! This is too much! I'm gonna...Bleuuurp!!!

So energetic vampires can throw up, interesting.  
But Nandor was probably the most surprising:

-Van Helsing? I had a descendant of the most dangerous and sexy vampire hunter who lived as a familiar?  
-Serously, Nandor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that was a little cringe, but I wanted Jenna to participate. Also, yes, Guillermo's power is definitely on a Mary-sue level but the poor guy deserves it after all this time and abuse he endured. Also sorry if I insulted someone (but not really for Scientologists or Fundamentalists).


	6. Guillermo de  la Cruz or Of love and blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the final, I hope you like it: I think it's one of the few ways it can work.

Once everyone has calmed down, that is to say be sure that Guillermo wouldn't take it out on anyone, he could have announced his plans.

-I'll find my own place, don't worry. If either of you want to keep in touch with me, I'd be happy to, but I understand if you don't.   
-I'll try to find an apartment at the end of the trimester. If you want to be roommates, just let me know! Smile, Jenna.   
-I'll think about it, thank you," says Guillermo sincerely.  
-I'm always interested in hearing from you," says Colin Robinson.  
-Let me settle in and I promise we'll go to lunch, Guillermo.  
-Guillermo, I'm trying not to...Nadja began.   
-...attaches you to humans because you lose them so easily. I understand your familiars, this guy who's reincarnated...  
-And many others. But you managed to make me care about you. And after 10 years with us, I guess if you'd wanted to do something vengeful, you already do it so I'm giving you a chance...but I'm still gonna keep an eye on you, concludes Nadja.  
-It fair, smile Guillermo. -I'd like to talk to Laszlo and Nandor before I leave.  
-Nandor's in his apartment. But Laszlo's out of the question!  
-I don't want to give him a second panic attack. But I think that for me and like him, we need to set the record straight, especially if I continue to come here. I'm not gonna hurt him. I'd like to do this alone, but it's okay if you want to be here.

-I'm sorry I was mean to you, said Laszlo.   
-I don't want it," replied Guillermo.  
-I need to get down on my knees and plead for your forgiveness? Sarcastically ask Laszlo.  
-Laszlo, sighed Nadja  
-No, just that it's sincere and lucky for you, I have eternity to wait.  
-So being the person with the moral higher ground? Nadja questioned him.   
-I'm not gonna lie. It's nice, but it's not my goal.For help, could you tell me what pissed off so munch about me?

There is a long silence and Laszlo even seems confused by the question. He finally answers, shrugging his shoulders:

-You're not special. It was never personal.  
-It's too bad. Maybe we could have been friends.We have a lot in common.  
-We have nothing in common! Oh my mistake, we're both male, right-handed and were dying when we were turned into vampires. That's 3 things we have in common, I guess.  
-You want three? Okay, we're artistic people. You, it's your music, me, my drawings. I have a bad relationship with my father and I've had mental health problems . We can bond over that if you want.  
-Who told you...  
-I didn't say a word, said Nadja.  
-You clearly adore your mother but you never talk about your father, even though he's the one you're blue-blooded you're so proud of come from. It's hard not to see that after 10 years, you're proud of your statue, not your origins. For your mental health...  
-I'm not a lunatic.

Laszlo doesn't have his usual bite, it almost looks like he's trying to convince himself. Nadja is holding his hand and she seems as ready to reassure her husband or tearing out Guillermo's eyes. Whatever will be most comforting to Laszlo in this state. 

-Of course not. Calling you a lunatic is like saying I'm blind because I need glasses. One in three people will have or have mental health problems. You're not special. Treatments are better too, sometimes it's just talking. In fact, the worst thing I can see happening is you killing people with the same diagnosis so you can ingest the drugs.   
-That doesn't sound so bad, Nadja said softly.

Laszlo grumbled something, hesitating.

-It's your choice in the end, concluded Guillermo. 

Only Nandor left.

-Hey  
-Guillermo, said his former master hesitantly. -Are you sure that...  
-Yes. Now that I'm a vampire, I'm of no use to you and I think I can take care of myself.  
-I don't think you can be useless, even if you try.  
-Thank you.

It's awkward this new dynamic, at least Nandor responded relatively better than the rest to the news of his origins. 

-You got everything? Maybe you want something to remember?  
-I have everything I need," replied Guillermo, even showing the portrait in glitter.   
-Oh great!  
-So we're saying goodbye?  
-Well, I guess...  
-Goodbye Nandor, said Guillermo, reaching out his hand.  
-Wait-wait! Do me first!  
-What?   
-Your power, try it on me!  
-Are you sure? The others didn't particularly enjoy their experiences. And now that you know about my background...  
-Oh no, it'll be fun! And I'll know what to improve.  
-Ok...

Guillermo concentrated and obeserva Nandor, then began to describe what he was seeing:

-Well, you're physically very strong even by vampire standards, had significant military experience, good strategist, your pyromaniac abilities are impressive and make you more resident at the fire as well. But you're rusty, a shoulder wound that leaves her weak, you ...you're bored. You...you feel lonely.You didn't know how to make friends?

Guillermo suddenly backed away abruptly towards the exit of the room.

-Guillermo, be careful with the whip...  
-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!!  
-I was just trying to...  
-Take, take, take and give nothing in return, that's all you know!  
-Guillermo...  
-No!You listen! I wanted to be your friend! I was more than ready to have a student-mentor relationship!You're the one who treated me like a dog on good days and a slave on bad days!  
-That's not...  
-Personal, I know. Most, no, almost all familiar will never turn into vampires. I know that. All these desperate people, it's fucking horrible!  
-Not everyone shouldn't be a vampire. I've seen people, Guillermo. I'm no saint, but people like Mehmet XII, Raymond Gilbert, Mother Teresa, I can't believe someone gave this kind of powers to people who look like they've been shit by Satan.  
-Mother Theresa's a vampire?  
-Yes, and a real sadist apart from that. You don't want to be in a room alone with her!   
-What about me? You think I'm not cut out to be a vampire?  
-Guillermo, of course not. You're gonna be great!  
-So why the fuck 10 years of my life wasn't enough for you!  
-Guillermo, I've upset you...  
-I'm not sad, I'm angry!  
-It's either a combination of the two or you cry when you're angry.

Nandor wanted to approach but Guillermo grunted, his eyes red and yellow.

-NO!

Nandor steps back with hurt look on his face. How dare he look hurt?

-You wanted to know why I kept you? The real reason?  
-Yes!  
-I'm... I'm not good with people. I haven't had many friends in my life. People obeyed me because they had to or they were my enemies... whom I killed, off course. I can count on both hands, the real friends I've had in my long existant. And most of them were people who made the effort to come to me. I don't know if you've noticed but Nadja tends to pick up lost puppies. That and I'm pretty sure she wanted Laszlo to have a positive male figure in his life without he need to sleep with him.  
-You've been to orgys together.  
-Orgys don't count, come on. And I've had a lot of familiar, most of them forgettable, but you were special. I wanted to change you, but... you'd have gone once I turned you.  
-You know it's worse, right?Loves someone and use them?  
-I... I... I don't have anything better to said. I'm ...I'm sorry Guillermo. 

Guillermo is confused. He's angry, he's sad, he wants to rip Nandor's arms off and beat him with them. He also wants to tell him it's okay. It's a lie, but the emotions he has developed over the last few years, it makes him feel horrible that Nandor is sad. Great, he's got Stockholm syndrome now.   
Silence fell, but Guillermo finally broke it.

-What did you say when I was unconscious?  
-Why is that important?  
-It was bad enough that you asked Jenna not to say anything.  
-Guillermo...  
-Fine, I think we've said it all we need. 

As Guillermo leaves the room, Nandor grabbed his arm.

-LET ME...  
-See!

Guillermo opened his eyes to see himself lying in bed. He or his corpse, he wasn't sure.

-Everything's going to be okay, he heard himself say in Nandor's voice. -You're really tough for a human. This is going to make you an extraordinary vampire.Better than Armand. I wish i can give you my blood, you've deserved it all along. But Nadja said you might react negatively if I am not from a lineage similar to the Baron's. You're the first person I've told... I don't know my maker. Or rather, I never got to know him. He attacked me and I thought he was just an albino with rabies. He bit me and I was so angry, I bit him back. He looked at me like I was crazy and I stabbed him in the heart with my spear. I kill him...it is so embarrassing! I don't know his name and I never found out who he was. A nobody... You, you were turned by Baron Afanas, people are going to be impressed. Probably more that by Nandor' the relentess. I know the Baron wasn't someone you liked, but that's pretty normal.It's the norm, Laszlo and Jenna are rare exceptions. The vast majority of us are accidents, mistakes, political manoeuvring, objects of pleasure, weapons and experimentation. You're so much more. Apart from Nadja, I know like two vampires who are good creators and yes, one created the other.

Guillermo feels something running down his cheeks.

-I know I screwed up. Really badly. I started thinking about changing you, I think after five years. But every time, I had a good excuse not to: an event happened and you're so good at planning, needed a familiar and Nadja and Laszlo had lost theirs again, your abuleta was sick and you didn't need the stress of be turn into a vampire on top of it, I was afraid I'd hurt you by turning you since mine was just a stupid accident or...I was afraid you'd leave and not come back after becoming a vampire. That to be confirmed that every time you were nice for no reason, asking me questions about me and bringing me back to order when I got lost in dark ideas was just an act. But now, now I'm going to lose you anyway...

Nandor's voice breaks:

-Please, just wake up. We'll do whatever you want, celebrate your return with a blood orgy, burn down New Jersey, conquer Disneyland. Or it could just be an intimate thing with two or three virgins, you, me, the others, your abulita, Jeremy, him and Constantine are a thing now. We'll have cakes and triangular sandwiches or whatever shape you want for mortals.I'd even be satisfied with you telling me that you're fine and walking out the door without looking back! Just... (Sighs)

He heard a noise and turned around to see Jenna with a sipycup.

-I...Nadja said you have to eat a little, said the young vampire beford quickly, putting the cup in him hands. -I'm sorry, I'll leave you two alone!

Guillermo is back in reality, Nandor let go of his arm and stepped back. His head was down and he wasn't saying anything. It was Guillermo's turn to choose now.  
Guillermo stepped forward, took the vampire's face in his hands and said:

-You're are complete moron. And I guess I'm no better. 

And he kissed him. And it was as fucking good as he thought it would be. Until he accidentally bit Nandor.

-Oh no!  
-It fine. Trust me, you're looking at least a dozen years away from not having a accidental bite, smile Nandor. -So you love me like that? No wonder you were so angry.  
-I didn't mean to...  
-I wouldn't have gone in that direction when you were a familiar because... You know, it's kind of disgusting, go out with me or stay a mortal. But now I'm open to that development. 

Nandor approached Guillermo for another kiss, but Guillermo gently stopped him. 

-I also need to set some boundaries. You have the right to discuss them, but not to refuse them. Okay?  
-Okay, what are your boundaries?  
-I still want to leave. I need my space and my independence.  
-I understand.  
-I'd like us to be exclusive, at least for a while.  
-Well, Guillermo, it's harder...  
-I don't count what happens in the orgies.  
-Oh, in that case no problem!  
-If you have other familiars, you must warn them that they have a trial run. If you're sure you won't turn them into a vampire after that time, they can leave.  
-But what if they're really bad people?  
-To become a familiar is to agree to become a serial killer. Morality is really questionable in this situation and before you ask, I know you well enough to know that you refuse to use someone like a pedophile.  
-I'd rather kill him. Fine, what else?  
-I want you to give me back my ten years of service.  
-I can't really be you're familiar , Guillermo. I can't stop being a vampire or...  
-I mean take care of me! Woo me! If we decide to go eat together, find me the virgin. Pay for me at the cinema. Brush my hair. I want to be seduced, dammit!

Nandor smile.

-Okay, that's fair enough. Your hair's too short to need that much care, but I give great massages if you want.  
-Sounds like a good start, suddenly blushes Guillermo.

The four vampires downstairs would suddenly raise their heads. Sounds inaudible to the human ear could be heard, but to them, they might as well have been in the next room.

-Are you kidding me? scream Laszlo.  
-But it's good for them, right? Says Jenna blushing.  
-Oh baby, we're happy for them. I mean, I prefer to know that a descendant of Van Helsing with ridiculously strong power is on our side. But it also means we owe Colin Robinson 50 bucks.   
-Each, smiles the energy vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I hesitated a lot about how to end up with Guillermo and Nandor because I see so many arguments for and against. I gave them a happy ending because I'm a marshmallow who wants to believe that people can change and become better if they put in a real effort...even vampires.  
2) Laszlo also has his conclusion because I didn't want to pretend that the mental illness he had was just gone. I hate when mental illness is just used as cheap drama before it magically disappears.I confess that I'd like to write more stories about it even if it's not in the same continuity (my stories are not all in the same universe). If it doesn't seem to be in bad taste and you're interested, let me know.  
3) I like to imagine that like in How I met you're Mother, Nadja, Laszlo and Colin had made bets on when Nandor and Guillermo would become a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I really like the fact that Nandor is an eccentric genius who succeeds because he has strange ideas. I also find it very funny that he basically became a vampire by accident, but maybe it only amuses me. It also explains why we don't know his maker and why he who seemed to be happy as a human became a vampire.


End file.
